Tinsel Town. Chapter One

Chapter One: The Audition To Change Everything.

They always said that this town was for the dreamers and if you wanted to make it big you would come here. They never told you that temptations were everywhere and if you didn’t watch what you were doing, you would end up another tragedy. The town of dreams is also the town of tears and broken promises. People lose themselves here. And I could be one of those people. I could be another example why aspiring star’s parents forbid them to come on this journey. I didn’t know when I started this adventure that I would be going down a dark slippery slope. I didn’t know that in the end I was just another broken hearted catastrophe.

“Mom I really want to do this.” I said to my mom once again trying to get her to stop nagging about the decision I was making. She had been trying to stop me for what I was about to do. I didn’t think it was that big of a problem but she thought otherwise. We were standing in line trying to get into the huge building. It was the size of a stadium and it looked like they would use this building for American Idol. Ironically, I was trying out for a singing competition. I looked around and I saw that, in my opinion, everyone was here for their shot of fame. A chance to change people’s lives with their music, become rich and famous, or just to show off an amazing voice they possessed.

“Please April, just listen to me. You have a full ride to Towson University. Isn’t what you have been dreaming about your whole life is to go to Towson? I know that your dad would want that for you.” My mom was desperate to stop me from going into that building and auditioning. She played the daddy card which usually worked except for this time. My dad had died when I was 13 years old. He died in a car accident and I was left in utter shock. I was young and I loved my dad so much. It torn me up inside; I promised right then I would only do things that would make my dad happy. I thought it was a big decision for me to make at a young age but I didn’t feel that I was like every other kid. I felt that I belonged somewhere else. I felt…. alone.

“Mom, Dad would be proud of me for this. This is something that I love. I want to go to Towson, but this is a one chance that I don’t want to give up. These kinds of opportunities don’t just come up out of anywhere. I’m tired of staying in this small town. Besides, I love singing mom and you know that dad loved it when I would sing.” I said firing back at her. I knew my dad, if he was still alive, he wouldn’t be too thrilled about it, but I wanted to do this. My dad would be siding with my mom and eventually I would have just gone home. I would probably cry for a couple of days and not speak to either one of them for that period of time. Eventually I would accept their decision and just go off to Towson and sing for them. When my dad died, I always pictured how it would be if he was still here. But even if he was still alive, I was determined to do this and was going to stop at nothing.

We were inside of the building now. I looked all around at the building. It had a very sophisticated feel to the place. There was a bright red pattern carpet on the ground, with a huge chandelier in the center of the room tying it all together. I could hear people practicing to get ready for their audition. All around I could hear people signing their hearts out and I could feel the passion that they had for their craft. I started to get a little nervous because a lot of these people sounded amazing. All these doubts rushed into my head and I became very self-conscious. How was I going to compete with these people? This is just stop one on the audition tour. I know it’s a small chance, but what if I go to Hollywood? The talent there is going to be amazing and I can’t compete with that. I knew if I wanted to I could just run back now and be a safe small town girl again.

I was a little nervous, okay very nervous but I knew that I couldn’t play it off on my face or my mom would use that against me. My mom and I were really close and she always knew what I was thinking. Her greatest weapon was the look on my face. I didn’t believe it but apparently when I have a certain emotion it will come across on my face. I guess that’s why everyone around me always knew what was going on with me. So I tried to play it off in my mind that I wasn’t nervous so she couldn’t use that against me.

“You know honey it is never too late to back out of this. We can always go home and you can sing for fun. I wouldn’t be ashamed of you and we could never speak about this little thing ever again. Doesn’t that sound like a good idea?” My mom was pleading one more time. She obviously saw that my expression didn’t show confidence. I hated my face sometimes when it failed me when I needed it the most.

It didn’t sound like a good idea to just leave, but I wasn’t going to be vicious to my mom. “No mom I want to do this and we came here for a mission.” I said determined to sing and I wasn’t going to back out now. If I look like an idiot then I look like an idiot. I wasn’t going to let my stupid nervousness stop me from this. I knew my mind was going back and forth, but in truth my heart and mind were at odd ends. My hearts says stay and go for this, while my brain says run as fast as you can. I knew that I was going to listen to my heart but I wasn’t going to scream it to the rooftops. I needed to be calm and collective with my mom. “And besides we are already here so why not just go through with it.” It was the perfect thing to say, so that it was a good point to make. We were already here and instead of wasting the car trip why not let me try out. I finished my statement as we reached the registration table.

“Hi welcome to The Next Big Thing. I need your name and your registration.” The counter girl said in a sweet voice. She had a big smile on her face and she had dark blonde hair. She looked like a real people person and I guess that is why she is the counter girl for this competition. You could tell in her voice that she was already getting bored with saying her sentences more than a 100 times for the same thing.

“Hi my name is April Lycos.” I said stuttering, I couldn’t believe that this all was happening so fast for me. I couldn’t believe that a couple of days ago I was just looking up about this competition. I didn’t think that there was a chance that I would be going off on an adventure chasing my dream. I thought about the memory of when it all started, like it was happened yesterday.

“Oh come on April you have to do this competition. You would be amazing in it.” Isabella said. Isabella was my best friend and I couldn’t live without her. She has always been my rock and I love her for that, but sometimes her ideas were so out there I wish she never thought about them.

“I don’t know Isabella; you have to be a really good singer to be in that competition.” I said doubting her. Isabella was always the one that came up with all of these crazy thoughts. Sometimes I would join her on these adventures but in the end they never worked out. In this instance I thought that it wasn’t going to work out. I was lying across my bed just looking up at the ceiling. We were both just being bored since today was our last day of school. We were excited to be done with school and graduate. It was a huge weight lifted off of my shoulders when the final bell rang. I was excited that I was going off to Towson chasing my dreams. It was something that I always thought about. Going out there and seeing what the world was going to do for me.

“And you’re not a good singer? Come on you got a full scholarship to Towson because of your singing. Maybe this is a sign. You have always said that you wanted an adventure, you wanted to get out of this town, and now you have it. Don’t let your worries stop you from doing something great.” Isabella looked at me trying to figure out what my reasons for not doing it were.

“I just don’t know. I know that I have to be a decent singer but these people are amazing. They have vocal coaches and sometimes I think that they sold their soul to the devil to be a singer.” The idea of selling my soul to the devil to be a good singer made me laugh on the inside. I don’t know if I would actually fully go through with giving up my soul. I had to keep focus on what was going on. “And you know my mom; she would never let me try out for this competition. So we might as well just forget about it.” I said trying to drop the subject. My mom isn’t a strict my mom but since my dad died she has been insane about losing me. She wanted me to stay state bound and every time I went off to see my aunt in Florida she called all the time to make sure that I was safe. She loved that I got a full scholarship to Towson because I wouldn’t be that far away. If I, by some chance of a miracle won this competition I would be half way around the country and she would never be approve of that.

“You are an amazing singer and if someone who disagrees with me is deaf. Let’s just ask your mom. The worse she can say is no.” Isabella pulled her “what is the worst thing that could happen” card with me and I knew that I couldn’t win this argument. There was no argument against it because it wasn’t the bad of a worst thing. All I would get is a shot down rejection and my mind was already in the mental state. I already knew my mom’s answer so I wasn’t too worried about losing to Isabella.

“Fine let’s go ask her, but I know what she is going to say.” I had a very smug look on my face because I knew that there was no way I was going to lose. I knew my mom inside and out and she would never let me go try out for this competition. But to my surprise my mom actually said yes to me. I kind of felt betrayed by her. I was hoping that she would say no to me and Isabella. I didn’t want to go do this singing thing and hear that I was horrible. I have seen those other singing shows and those judges scare the crap at of me. I put my heart and soul into my soul and to hear that I was horrible, I don’t know if I could handle that.

“Ma’am, do you have all the information?” The counter girl looked at me concerned that I might have a nervous break down. I saw in her eyes that her concern wasn’t that bad of an assumption.

I snapped out of my day dream and realized where I was. “Yes I do.” I handed her all of my information that she asked for.

She looked over everything on the registration. I was hoping that there was something wrong with it so I didn’t have to go through with this. I don’t know why I was here in the first place. Half of me was telling me to grab my mom and run to the car. The other half was telling me you can do this. You are a great singer and you will be a big name. That deep down there was something great inside of me that will make it big.

“Great everything looks in order.” She said giving me a big smile. She started to give me papers and a yellow sheet with numbers on them. “Here is your number and all of the other information you need. We will call your number when were ready for you. Good luck” She said with a big smile on her face after she showed me and my mom where to go.

We found seats and I was a complete nervous wreck when we finally sat down. There were so many butterflies in my stomach and knots to help the butterflies to cause me pain. It all hit me at once that I was about to sing in front of professionals. I have sung in front of music teachers but I have never sung in front of people that were from the business. They know what talent is and what a complete joke is. I had to keep my face composed so my mom didn’t think that I didn’t want to be here. I didn’t want her to use something else against me to make us go home.

“You know honey we don’t have to do this. We can go home and not think about this anymore. I would never be mad at you. I will love you the same.” I guess my face did show my distress. I wanted to yell and my face for failing me. I thought that my face and I had a special bond and that in the end we both were going to benefit. I guess my face had other plans.

“Mom we are here and I want to do this. I want to see if I can become a big star.” I sounded like any other hopeful wanting to become a mega sensation. In realty it was very unlikely that I would become a big star. I was going to have to be confident and try to do this. I wanted to be a big name and that’s what I am going to do. I am tired of living in a small town being a no body. Yeah I had a couple of friends but in realty no one knew who I was and apart of me hated that. That part of me wanted to walk down the halls of my high school and have people notice me. I wanted to be the popular girl in high school and now with this singing competition I could be the popular girl of the world.

“Okay honey then we will go through with this. I just want you to be happy.” I hated when my mom did this with me. She tried to give me a guilt trip and make me 2nd think my decision. In the way she said her last statement it seemed like she was hoping I was going to change my mind. It was the undertone of the whole thing that I could tell this. As much as my mom knew me, I knew a lot about her. I looked at her have and in her eyes she wanted me to go home and just go to Towson. I could see that she couldn’t handle me not being there anymore for her. She wasn’t going to let me not chase my dreams and that is why she said yes.

I had to be selfish and I had to follow my dreams for me and no one else. “I am happy” I quickly answered her. Part of me was sure that I wanted this, but another part of me wasn’t. I wanted to find a gun and shoot that other part with all the doubts and worries that it keeps screaming at me.

“Okay that’s all that matters then.” My mom said giving me a smile and a pat on the head. I looked into my mothers eyes and I saw all of the worry and concerned. No mother wanted their daughter to be a train wreck like all the other singers. She hated the idea of me moving across the country and she was stuck here worrying everyday if I was still alive. My mom didn’t have anyone else in her life. I was her everything and I knew that. I felt guilty for leaving her all by herself here but I wanted to do this. I felt selfish but you need to if you want to fulfill your dreams.

My mom and I just stood there for a minute in our own thoughts. I looked at all of my competition. Some wore scary clothes to stand out while others looked like me, nothing really special about them. Just wore jeans and a t-shirt. Didn’t really go all out with there make up. I looked into their eyes and I also saw all the fears and worries that I was going through. I felt comfort to know that I wasn’t the only who was going through the same things. That we all had our insecurities but they surpassed them to be here.

I was in my own thoughts when I heard a voice out of the side of my head. I looked up and saw a girl standing there looking at me. She kind of looked a lot like me. We both had the same brown hair up in a ponytail. She had hazel eyes and she didn’t have much make up on. She wore jeans, snickers, and a blue t-shirt. She was ordinary just like me, probably from a small town like me. I looked at her eyes and all I could see was a good person. She didn’t seem to come across fake and I didn’t know where but I could see being close to her.

“Hi my name is Alice Greenly” She said with a friendly tone. I looked up at here and she had a big smile on her face. She looked really sweet and I could tell that we could possibly become good friends.

“Hi my name is April Lycos” I said and then I gave her a smile. I was excited to meet a new friend and maybe someone to accompany me on this journey.

“Do you mind if I sit with you? I don’t really know anyone and I saw you from across the room and thought that maybe you looked nice enough for me to sit here.” She seemed really sweet and a bit lonely. I looked around her and I saw that she was by herself. I was kind of sad that she had no one here for her. I would never have enough courage to do this without my mom. I snuck a peak at my mom and I was really grateful that she came with me.

“Yeah you can sit with us.” I said I actually kind of wanted to have a friend here who knew what I was going through. I needed someone to vent to if I didn’t get in and a shoulder to cry on other then my mom’s.

“Thanks so much. I didn’t know what I was doing I look like a complete loser. I came here on a gut feeling and I slowly am regretting it. I am so nervous that I don’t know if I am going to go through with this.” She kept babbling and I could tell that she was one of those girls who get nervous and just spill their guts. It was kind of funny because sometimes I do the same thing. The only difference is that I blab about my feelings to myself and keep it all in.

I tried to calm her down. “Yeah I know what you’re feeling in a way. I have no clue what I am doing but my best friend kind of forced me to come here and I kind of wanted to do this too.” I said with a smile. I was kind of forced into doing this by the powerful manipulation of Isabella.

“Well at least you have your mom here to hold your hand through all of this.” She said looking at my mom. My mom had her iPod in and was reading a book. I could tell that she was in her own bubble. When my mom was stressed or she felt uncomfortable she would put her iPod in to block out the noise and read a good book. It was another thing that she and I had in common but I knew this was bigger then my bubble.

So I knew what I was talking to Alice about was completely between us too. “I guess I do but my mom is against this whole thing. She doesn’t want me to go across the country to Hollywood. I know she would never admit it but I could tell that she doesn’t want me to be here in her concern looks.” I felt bad for throwing my mom under the bus. But it all fairness it was the truth. I didn’t want Alice to think that my mom is a complete saint.

“Well at least she put her views aside and let you come do this. I am guessing she knows that you really want this and she doesn’t want to you to give up your dreams.” I looked at Alice for a minute. She looked my age, 18 just about to graduate high school. But when she talked she sounded like an adult and that’s what I like about her.

“Yeah I get where you’re coming from, but apart of me doesn’t really know if I want this.” I admitted then looked down and my hands.

“Why do you say that?” She gave me a confused expression. She didn’t understand why I didn’t want to be here. I thought it was obvious but I guess it wasn’t.

“In my mind apart of me wants this because I didn’t want to be an invisible person. I hate that I am just ordinary and I want to go out there and be big. And the other part is telling me that there is nothing wrong with being ordinary. I am all my mom has and I don’t want to leave her by herself.” I felt comfortable saying this to Alice because I kind of felt like I have known her for years.

“I get what you mean. I am kind of going through the same thing too. I just don’t know if this is right for me. My gut is telling me what the hell go for what you want. While my dang brain is telling me to go home and just never speak of this ever again.” I looked at her face and I saw on her face the same emotions that I was going through.

“But how did you manage. You look like you really want this.” She did look worried and scared but I didn’t think it was because of the fact that she didn’t want to be here. I didn’t think that she was going through the same dilemma and I was going through.

“I just realized that I have to be selfish. I had to basically tell the side of me with the worried and doubt to shut up. I told myself that I can do this and I will not let anyone stop me from getting it.” She said sounding proud of herself for achieving this big step.

“I see what you mean and I guess I have to tell that part of me to shut up then.” I laughed and she joined it. I felt a little bit better having her there. She knew what I was going through and she in a weird way was helping me through them.

We started talking about each other’s lives. It felt good to have girl talk and just forget about where we were. We talked about our childhood, our good friends, and our dreams when we grew up. It was fun talking to her. After a while I didn’t even think about the fact that I was going to sing in front of experts and there being a possibility that they could see I am horrible singer.

When I told her that I got a singing scholarship to Towson her eyes opened wide in shock. “You actually thought that you couldn’t sing although you got a full scholarship to Towson?” She looked at me I guess trying to figure out my sanity.

“Yeah I couldn’t believe that I got it either but I don’t know. When it comes to singing I have a little doubt about it. I don’t know why I put myself down but it happens. I hate that about myself.” I felt like I was just spilling my guts about everything. I never told my mom or Isabella about my doubts because they would just tell me that I was being crazy. Every time I had doubts about anything they would tell me that I was crazy and that I was amazing.

“I know what you mean about the doubts but you have to just ignore them. I have doubts myself but I just tell myself that who cares what happens as long as I am happy with myself that’s all that matters.” She said trying to help me through my doubts. I was happy telling Alice all of my concerns and worries because she went through all of the things that I was going through. She wouldn’t tell me that I was crazy. She would instead tell me that she understood and that made me feel better. She would help me through everything and I was appreciating it.

“I guess that your right and I are going to do that.” I said with a happy tone in my voice. I felt like a boulder was lifted off of me. I kept all of my emotions bottled up but now they were out in the open and I can’t just fix them instead of hiding them.

“That’s the spirit.” She said encouraging me with a big smile on her face.

“Thank you so much for giving me therapy time.” I laughed because I felt like Alice was my therapist and we should be in a session, not a singing competition. I was happy that Alice sat next to me because now the part of me with the doubts and worries finally shut up.

“No, thank you for letting me sit with you. I finally have a friend here to go with me through this.” She said giving me a grateful look. It was nice that even in a place like this I can actually find a friend.

“Well I am glad that you sat next to me because I have a friend to go through this with also.” We both laughed at that. It wasn’t a laugh of happiness it was more a laugh of relief. It was a relief because we both don’t have to go through this whole thing by ourselves.

“Number 257” One of the producers said looking at her clip board. She looked frantic and it looked like she was ready to fall asleep right then and there. I guess this whole thing has taken a huge toll on people and I didn’t know a lot of stuff went into this.

“Oh that’s me.” Alice said looking down and her number. There was a moment in her eyes that a flicker of worry went through her eyes. Then all of a sudden it went away. I guess she had a worried moment but finally got over it. I was really impressed that she can just stop her worries from taking over her. It would be really hard for me to do that. She had a smile on her face and she looked determined to go in there and give them the best performance that she has ever given somebody. She got up and started walking towards the producer.

“Good Luck” I yelled at her so she would hear me. I wanted her to come out of there victorious because she was an amazing person who deserved to go on to the next round.

“Thanks.” She said and I was glad that she heard me. She walked into the room to singing her heart out. I went back to my thoughts and I was happy that I did meet her because I knew even if I don’t make it I had a friend after all of this. I had someone that I could go run to and talk about all of my doubts. She wouldn’t think that I was crazy; she would actually help me through it all. I was happy to meet Alice and I was hoping that both of us would make it to go on this journey together.