My Life Through Writing: April 2010

Final Chapter I am putting up.

Chapter Three: The End of the Old

I woke up with the sun shining into my eyes. I was still really tired because I didn’t get much sleep last night. I stayed up the night before talking to Alice the whole time. We talked about how we were about to go off to Hollywood and how much fun we are going to have when we are there. Ever since the audition we have been close friends hanging out every chance I could get without dumping Isabella. We were both excited that we had someone as our support system while we were out there. My mom loves Alice and those two hit it off really good. My mom was just really excited that I had someone to go with me through this whole journey. Of course my mom completely approved of the idea now that she knew I wasn’t going to be out there by myself. I was scared that Isabella wasn’t going to like my new friend but actually they get more along then Alice and me. When ever Alice came over, Isabella would hang out with her more then me. I felt like sometimes I was the third wheel and sometimes I was okay with that. All I wanted was for my mom and Isabella to like Alice. The best part about the whole thing is I won’t have to go through this alone. I didn’t have to worry about making new friends or standing in the corner of something by myself. I knew now that I would be okay in the end.

I turned over to look at my clock; it said 9:59 a.m. I had less then a minute until my alarm clock was going to go off. I hated my alarm clock because it made a really annoying noise. It would start with a beeping noise and then slowly get louder and louder. In the end it sounded like the alarm clock was having a psychotic episode. I got up quickly to turn it off before I had to hear the noise. My whole room was small and I liked it that way. It had dark blue walls, with a bed, a desk, and a dresser. There was nothing fancy about my room but I loved it the way it was. I didn’t see the point of putting up all of these posters or trying to make it look like it deserved to be on a T.V. show. I was very down to earth when it came to those kinds of things. I didn’t believe in all of the designer things or trying to be very expensive. I never had the life style where I could afford 200 dollar jeans, but I would never want that in the first place. My mom always taught me to know the value of a dollar and it’s been forced into my head since birth. My mom was a social worker and my dad was a professor so we really didn’t have money in the first place.

My dresser’s had nothing in them because all my clothes were in my suitcases. While on the phone with Alice last night I just threw tons of clothes into a suitcase. I really wasn’t like other girls who needed about 2 weeks to plan a trip. I was a procrastinator and I usually did things like packing at the last minute. I walked over to my calendar and tripped over my suitcases. I caught myself with the dresser and I was happy that I didn’t hurt myself. I wouldn’t consider myself a klutz but there were those moments when I would run into a door or a person. I remember my first day of high school and I wasn’t looking and I ran straight into the principal. I was so embarrassed I just ran away from him before he could say anything else. While I ran away from the principal I also ran into a door so it wasn’t my best moment. I shook my head as I looked at my calendar and I nearly screamed. It was the day I was leaving to Hollywood to begin my journey. I was so excited to go and have an amazing time. I was excited to have the chance to become a somebody and not be an anybody.

I was in the mood to do something this morning. I already knew today was going to be a good day but I didn’t want to just sit here and act like it wasn’t. I went over to my radio and turned it up the highest I would go. Some pop song was on and I didn’t care what it was. I ran and started dancing on top of my bed singing along to it. I didn’t care if I looked like a complete idiot because I was in such a good mood that no one could stop me from being happy. I was swinging my long brown hair from side to side, singing along to the song that was on. I was having a really good time just singing to the song.

There was a knock at my door but I barely heard it because the music was so loud. My mom walked into the room and just gave me a not surprised look. I usually did this a lot when something major was happening that day. I had done it the day I graduated high school because I was ready to start a new chapter of my life. I didn’t see anything wrong with just singing along to songs. She had a problem with it because my Aunt from Florida was up and she wanted to keep her asleep. I didn’t notice that she came into the room, she scared the crap out of me and I fell off of my bed. I landed right on top of my suitcase. Once again another klutz moment strikes again. My mom ran over to the radio and turned it all the way down to make it background music. My mom wasn’t a strict parent but she didn’t like the music being all the way up to where she couldn’t think. She then ran over to the side of me. “Honey is you alright?” My mom said giving me a worried look hoping that I didn’t break anything.

“Yeah I am fine.” I said but it didn’t describe how I was feeling. Fine didn’t cover the amount of emotions that I was feeling right now. I was about to go off chasing my dreams and there was a possibility that I was going to win the competition. It was amazing to me that everything was happening for me. I decided to say the truth and get my feelings out. “You know what; I’m not fine I am perfect. I am going off to Hollywood today and I was going to go chase my dreams. I am about to prove to people that I am not someone that is flown under the radar but a person who stands out. Mom I could become a singing sensation!” I said almost singing it. I haven’t been this happy in such a long time. It wasn’t that I was always depressed or anything but I felt like something was missing. I thought that maybe it was that I didn’t have my dad in my life. It was hard when I lost him but I had to move on and be happy. I couldn’t keep going through life hoping that he would come back. My mom always told me that I had to accept it and that God always had a plan. I was okay with God having his plan and now I knew his plan for me. It was for me to go off to Hollywood and sing in the competition. He didn’t want me to be just another person; he wanted me to be special and live my dream.

This was more of I was missing chasing my dreams. I felt like I wasn’t pursuing singing with all of my heart. Yeah Towson was where I want to go but I have wanted to go there my whole life, which it seemed like fate. Not a dream that I was chasing after. It seemed that Towson was more of my brain’s desire and there was nothing that my heart really desired. Going to Hollywood was a dream that I was chasing, I haven’t heard my whole life that I was going there to become a big star. That was what my heart desired and now I felt complete about it.

“I am really happy that your better than fine.” My mom admitted. I sensed that my mom always knew that going to Towson wasn’t enough for me. That I wanted to go out there and do more with my voice and now that I found it she was thrilled with it. “You have always said you were fine and I didn’t believe you. I can see in your eyes that you’re truly happy and I love that. It now seems like the true you are finally coming out. It seems that the true April happiness if coming back and I am grateful for it to come back. It has been a long time since I have seen this side of you and it’s nice to see it come back out again.” It seemed like my mom was going to cry and I hated when that happened. I didn’t like when my mom cried because I felt guilty that my mom cried. Ever since my dad died I took on the role of being her care giver and I hated when she was weak like this because I feel like I failed at my job. I don’t know why I feel like that but it just happens sometimes. It was scary leaving my mom by herself but I knew it was time for me to go do something for myself.

“Thanks mom and I are happy. I am excited to see what’s out there and I can’t believe that it’s so soon though. I can’t believe I leave today. I feel like the audition was just yesterday and all of the nerves that I had from it. Now it’s the day to leave and I am leaving Owings today Mom!” I squeal as it finally is starting to hit me that by the end of the day I wouldn’t be in Owings anymore.

“I remember when you were such a little girl and you said you wanted to sing. I was scared because you sounded like all those other little girls. But when you opened your mouth and I saw how much you loved singing I could tell that you were going to be big. I just can’t believe it is happening all so fast. You just graduated from high school and you’re off now to Hollywood to chase your dreams. I still wondered to this day where that little girl that I held when you were born went. The little girl that wanted me to make her a peanut butter and jelly sandwich cut into squares. Or the little girl that always loved to play hide and seek on me and I would find you up in a tree. ” My mom was being hysterical and she started to tear up again. I knew I couldn’t go off to Hollywood without there being a couple of tears. I knew that this was the price I was going to pay listening to my mom blubber about how I just grew up all fast. I didn’t mind at all because my mom did this all of the time. She always talked about how I am growing up to fast and I need to slow down. She said that she was going to make a device to stop me aging so it wouldn’t show her age. I always laughed at her.

“Mom” I grabbed her to hug her and console her. I hated when she cried like this but I know that it wasn’t tears of sadness. It wasn’t like she was upset about anything and her heart was about to start breaking. This was tears of joy that I was moving on to bigger and better things. I only knew this because she was crying with a huge smile on her face. I grabbed her face. “Mom looks at me.” I said waiting for her to see my face. She looked at me but still had tons of tears in her eyes. “I will always be your little girl and always be here for you. It’s not like I am just going to abandon you. You’re my mom and I am always going to need you. So don’t worry. You have me as your daughter forever. So stop crying because I don’t need you crying on me. I don’t know if I can handle anymore crying.” I kept hugging her so that she would stop crying. She started to slowly get control of herself again. I was happy about that because I didn’t need her to be a hot mess when I said goodbye to her.

I understood where my mom was coming from. I was her only child and it was scary that I was leaving off chasing my dreams. She had so much love for me and she never wanted to have another child. My dad and she were considering having another child but my mom just wanted me. She never wanted to have to split her love between kids. She just wanted to love me and give all of her devotion to me. I wasn’t upset with that because I don’t know what I would do being an older sister to a little sibling. The good thing about all of that is that I am my mom’s favorite kids and nothing could change that. I was her everything and she was my everything too. My mom and I have been through so much it was hard to know that this one thing I wouldn’t be able to go through with her.

“I am just being a mother I guess.” She said shrugging thinking that what she was doing was not a big deal “Well anyways I think that’s enough tears for one day.” She said as she wiped away a couple of tears that were on her cheek.

“Yeah mom I think that is enough for one day.” I said wiping another tear off of her cheek. Joking with her because I wanted us to have a good couple of moments let with her before I let off to Hollywood.

My mom wiped a couple of tears that I forgot to get. “Well anyways, breakfast is on the table so get your butt dress and come down stairs. Also while you were jamming out, Alice called and she will be here around 11:30 to get you. So you two don’t miss your flight and then I would have to hear complain about missing your flight.” My mom joked trying to make the tears just a distant memory and have us leave on a good note. My mom’s playful happy smile turned into a serious smile. I could only tell because her smile went from being the biggest it can to more a smaller smile. I am so happy that you have a good friend that will be with you every step of the way. I just can’t believe your going-” My mom was starting again and I didn’t need another teary moment. I knew if she was going to start again then I don’t know if I could stop her from crying.

“Mom, Mom let’s not have another teary moment. I think that is enough for now. Besides I will call you everyday that I am there so you will kind of be there in spirit. So there is no need to keep crying. ” I tried to persuade her that she was going to help me through this in a way. She was going to be my support system and every time I had doubts about something she was going to be there to make sure that I knew that I had the ability to do anything I wanted.

My mom finally saw the light and knew that I was making sense. “I guess that your right. I am being such a cry baby it’s so embarrassing.” My mom blushed, she felt like an idiot for crying. I didn’t think that my mom was being an idiot for crying. I just think that she was being a mom and that was okay. Every mom has the right to cry a little when their daughter goes off to chase their dreams. I didn’t think my mom was an idiot. I just thought that she was being the greatest mom that I love having.

“Mom you’re not being a cry baby, your just being a mom. And any other mom would be crying to if there little girl was going off to the other part of the country. So don’t worry about it.” I said as I gave her a hug. I didn’t want her to feel guilty for her crying because she was being my mom.

That’s what I liked about me and my moms relationship. When one of us was down the other one would reason with them and console them. My mom was usually the one that was down so I was used to consoling her. I don’t regret it at all, I was her rock and I loved that. I loved having a mom who was crazy and fun just like me. I was going to miss her when I am gone but I know that we were not going to be out of touch and that’s what made me not break down right then and there with her.

My mom got up from off my floor. She stretched her muscles because we were on the ground for a little bit. She wiped the rest of her tears and she didn’t look like she had cried except in the eyes. She put on a smile to make sure that she didn’t cry as much anymore. “I’ll let you get changed so that you can get ready to go.” My mom said as she walked out of the room.

My mom closed the door and I could hear her footsteps downstairs until it finally got quiet. I was alone in my room for a minute and it was eerie. It was quiet and it was odd that this was my last time being in my room for a while. I knew that I would come home from this adventure eventually but I wouldn’t be the same person. This experience would change me hopefully for the better so in a way this was the last time I would be in this room as the person I am right now. I looked around and I felt like I was growing up. It was as someone would call it as my ride of passage to the world. Going to Hollywood was my test to see if I could handle the real world and I hope that I don’t fail at it. I didn’t want to come back from this a failure and have my dreams crushed. I was going to go to Hollywood and be determined to win. I couldn’t believe everything was happening all so fast but I loved it. I love that my life was changing and wasn’t staying the same boring monotone. It was going to have some new high parts and my life was going to turn out to be a beautiful song that I would play over and over again.

I knew that I had to start getting ready for my trip and I hadn’t even taken a shower yet. I knew I was running a little behind because my mom and I had our little moment. I looked around for my toiletries. I got all of my things and took a nice long shower that I deserved at this moment. When ever I felt frantic or stressed out I would take a shower. I needed a shower before any talent show or any time I performed. This was my so to speak happy place other then singing of course. I usually took a bath but I didn’t have enough time to fully go to my happy place. I turned on the shower and let the hot water steam the whole bathroom up. I took off all my clothes and put my foot into the shower to see if it was warm enough. The hot water splashed onto my toe and I pulled away from the water. It was right at the temperature that I like it, scolding hot. I then got into the shower. The hot water flowed all down my back acting like tiny fingers massaging my whole back and relaxing me. I finally got into a place of comfort that I started to sing a little. I knew today was going to be a good day and was excited to see where it was going to take me.

After I was finally clean and calm from the shower I turned off the water. I could hardly see because the steam lingered in the shower just like a sauna. I walked out of the shower and grabbed my towel to dry myself off. I still couldn’t see so I walked over to the mirror so I could at least see what I looked like. I wiped the mirror of all the steam and I got a good look at myself. It was a different person that I saw in the mirror. The person looked a lot like me but you got a different vibe from this person. The person in the mirror looked happier. Their eyes showed excitement and joy. This new girl in the mirror looked like she had the whole world on her finger tips and she was going to take what ever she could to accomplish her goals. She was fearless and wasn’t going to take no as an answer. I liked this new person and I wanted to be this person. I wanted to be the person in the mirror all of the time.

I walked out of the bathroom and a surge of cold air hit me. I didn’t like that after you get out of the shower. I ran into my room so that I could get warmer as soon as possible. I closed my door so that I could change. I had planned out what I was going to wear the night before. I opened my closet and there was what I was going to wear. I decided that I should look comfortable. I decided to go with a blue tank top and a nice pair of jeans. I knew I wasn’t going to stand out but I didn’t have any pretty dresses to put on. I got changed and put my hair up into a ponytail. I looked into the mirror to make sure I didn’t look like a complete mess. Once I knew I looked my best I walked out of my room. I could smell an aroma of breakfast food and I was kind of scared what my mom was going to do. She went over the tom sometimes and I didn’t know what she had done. I walked down the stairs and saw all of the food in the kitchen. We had a small kitchen table but some how all of the food fit on the small oak table. There were eggs, toast, bacon, ham, cinnamon rolls, and sausage. It looked like a big buffet for a group of twenty people. Unless I am sure I didn’t think that we had people coming over that could eat all of this. I still couldn’t believe what my mom did. So I had to take a second look at the spread of food that was on the table. I couldn’t believe that my mom would actually do so much work for me leaving for a couple of weeks. I could understand this if I was going off to Towson but not for me going to Hollywood. My mouth of course opened up and if it could it would drop to the floor and my tongue would roll out like in those wolf cartoons. You know the ones where the wolf sees a hot chick in red and just basically wants to have sex with her any chance he gets. But this time I was the wolf and my hot chick was the mountains and mountains of food on the table.

“Mom what is all of this?” I said looking at my mom. I wanted to go up to her and smack her upside the head because this was of course way too much food for us. She could cure world hunger with all of the food that she had on the table. My mom loved to cook and she hated fast food. She thought fast food was disgusting and that who ever “invented” fast food should have a heart attack for what they caused. She always thought that you should have a good hardy meal. She would say that it makes people live longer and have happier lives then the obese people that eat fast food all the time. My mom always said that a meal brings people together. That it makes people enjoy spending time with their family and actually keeps everyone involved in each other lives. But when I looked at the table full of food I knew it was too much for her to do and she was desperate to have these last minutes with me. If my mom cooked this much food all the time then I wouldn’t be that surprised but this was so much food that I couldn’t believe she had time to cook it all.

“I don’t know what you’re talking about.” My mom said innocently. She knew that this was not normal for her but she was playing it off. She acted as if I was being crazy by giving me a concerned look. She kept going on setting up the feast that was already on the table.

“I think you do know what I am talking about.” She said in a defensive tone as she was putting more food on the table. She acting like she was on trial and I was accusing her of murder.

I thought it was funny that she was still denying all of her little stunt. “You have never done anything like this before. I would have remembered if you had made a breakfast feast for about twenty people. Mom this is so much food, how do you think I am going to eat all of this. You have to know there are just two of us and we can not finish this all by ourselves.” I said giving her a skeptical look. I wanted to hear her excuse for this one. My mom always had something to say so now I was ready to hear what she had to say.

“Honey can’t you just let me do something special for you, without you being so skeptical. I am your mother and I have a right to make you a big ass breakfast. You did something amazing and I am allowed to show you how proud I am.” She said making it sound like it was her God given right to make a big meals. I thought it was really hysterical that we were fighting over her making me a big breakfast.

“Yeah but-” I tried to say until she interrupted me.

“But nothing, now sit your butt down and start eating. This is the last time you will actually have a good home cook meal inside your belly before you come back. So I want to hear no complaining.” My mom said trying to act like a mom. She gave me a stern look and then she pointed at the table. I couldn’t believe that my mom was actually acting like a mom.

I gave up because I knew that it was hard for her to know that she will have the whole house to herself tomorrow. I wanted to give her the chance to be happy with me before she is lonely for two weeks. I decided that I was going to be her perfect daughter and eat everything that she had on the table. Well I was going to try to eat it all because I probably will blow up if I had all of this food. “Alright mom I will eat your dang meal without complaining. I might even like it, if I am up for it.” I said sarcastically. I always loved my mom’s cooking. She had a lot of practice since she cooked all the time and never did anything the quick an easy way.

She caught my sarcasm. It was scary how close we are that even she even knew when I was being sarcastic. She rolled her eyes because she knew that I was joking around with her. “Good that is all I ask for.” She had a big smile on her face that we were about to eat a big breakfast together before I went off. She said taking a seat across from me.

I just looked at my mom for a couple of seconds before she decided to grab my plate. I was going to protest from making a plate for her but I didn’t see the point of arguing with her. She then put the food in front of me. “Well don’t let the food get to waster start eating.” I did what she did and I grabbed my fork. We started eating a meal that was supposed to be for kings. I was happy that she made everything because everything was amazing. I had a big smile on my face as all of the flavors danced around in my mouth. I let the cinnamon bun and eggs blend together to make an amazing flavor and I could feel the warmth of the food slowly go down towards my belly. It was the best breakfast that I had in a long time. We were silent for a while because we were just enjoying the food that my god like cooking mom made.

I finished my plate of food and I still was hungry and I still wanted to eat more. I grabbed a couple of things and my mom was really happy that I was eating more of the food. She didn’t say anything but she had a smile when I put more food on my plate. After I enjoyed the flavors this time of the toast and bacon I became stuffed. I pushed my plate away from me. I was stuffed and I couldn’t put anymore in my belly. I could feel in my stomach that I gained I think about 5 pounds of breakfast food. “Mom that was amazing but I feel like I might puke. And I really don’t feel like changing again because I got puke on my clothes.” I said being a little whiney. I wanted to be a little whiney so that she wouldn’t guilt me into more food.

“I know you and you won’t puke. Thank you for the complement. I am really glad you like it so much.” She pushed her plate away from her too and sat back in her seat. We barely put a dent into the food and I was kind of sad that my entire mom’s food was going to go to waste. But then again she was the one that decided to make all of this food so I couldn’t be that sad about it.

We sat there for a minute just staring at different directions. I looked at the clock and Alice was going to be here in a couple of minutes. It hit me that I was going to have to say goodbye to my mom soon. I was glad that it was the only goodbye I had to do today. I don’t know if I could have done two goodbyes today with out fully breaking down and decided not to go to Hollywood. I already said goodbye to Isabella a day earlier and it was sad that she couldn’t come with me.

“I am really going to miss you while I am there.” I said tearing up with Isabella. We both were on my porch just looking at the sunset. The sky was filled with orange, yellow, red, and a splash of purple. It was like it was out of a painting and it was absolutely gorgeous. We were both looking out at the field as a nice summer breeze touched our skin to give us both goose bumps.

“I know and I will miss you too but hey you shouldn’t be upset about it. I’m off to an internship at a big radio station.” Isabella was looking forward to her internship. She wanted to be big in T.V., her goal was to be bigger then Barbra Walters. I thought that she had the chops to accomplish that. When we were in high school she was executive producer of our broadcasting show and she made it enjoyable to watch. Most of the school said that they only watched the show because of her. When she found out about her internship she was sad that she was going to have to leave me behind. She didn’t want us to be apart for our last summer together but I forced her to go out there and follow her dream. Then I started to think about how she wanted me to try out for the singing competition. It was very odd that it was the day before she found out about her internship. Secretly I think she wanted me to try out for “The Next Big Thing” so that she wouldn’t have to feel bad about me leaving. “And you’re off to Hollywood to be a big ole singer.” She said with a smile and she was also thrilled that I was going to Hollywood to pursue my dream.

“I know that, but still I wish we could go do this together though. I wish you could go off to Hollywood with me and then I would go with you to your radio internship.” I said just wishing that I could happen. I started imagining Isabella, Alice, and I staying up into the last nights gossiping and having a great time. Taking funny pictures of each other and watching Isabella in the crowd cheering me on, then after I win the competition we are going to New York so that I can watch her with her internship. I haven’t been away from Isabella since we became great friends. But I guess we needed to learn how be separated from each other sooner or later.

“I know what you mean but hey we will be back together to rule the world. So don’t fret were chasing our dreams. It’s not like I am dying or something. We still have E-mail, text, and calling each other. It’s just for the summer so it’s not that big of a deal. Then if you still want to go to Towson we will be back together in the fall. So it’s not that big of a deal.” Isabella was my logic side of my brain with my mom and that’s what I loved about her. She might have had crazy ideas but when I was having a nervous breakdown she was the voice of reason. She did have a point that this is not a big deal because we were going to be roommates at Towson in the fall.

“Of course I still want to go to Towson. Why wouldn’t I want to? It’s going to weird being away from you and my mom. I don’t know what I would do if I didn’t have you to survive at Towson. I can’t believe you would think that I would not go to Towson. It’s my mom that I don’t know what to do about.” Isabella gave me an eyebrow and I knew that I was going to have to explain myself. “I just am worried she won’t have anyone there to help her.” I said thinking about my mom being all by herself was scary. What if she falls down the stairs and she couldn’t reach the phone. She would be stuck their by herself and it sent shivers down my spine.

“Don’t worry she won’t be by herself. She will have my mom as her close friend. Both of them will be crying about how their little girls have abandoned them and all the other junk. So you need to stop thinking that your mom is just going to die by her lonesome self. Worst case scenario she dies with my mom with her. ” Isabella gave off a little laugh thinking about what she said. “ Then our mom will blame us for it and they will leave us a letter blaming us.” Isabella said as she rolled her eyes at the thought of our moms. The sad part is that would actually happen which is really scary. Our moms would blame us for them being clumsy and falling down the stairs.

“Your right she won’t be by herself and she will be happy. I shouldn’t worry about her too much anymore. She is a big girl and she can handle being by herself for 2 weeks by herself. Everything is happening so fast that I can’t get a grip on all of this.” I said as I looked back at the sunset. It was weird that tomorrow I was off on a big adventure while my life at home was still going to go on without me. I’d never thought that my mom could just live a life without me because I was so use to being the center of her world. I know that sounds like me being a spoiled brat but I was so used to it being true. She actually told me a couple of times that I was her whole world. After a while of hearing it, you start believing it.

“Yeah but I think though it’s time for change. Like they always say once you graduate from high school everything changes. I think that maybe it’s time for us to start a new chapter of our lives. It’s the end of the old and now we are starting the beginning of the new.” Isabella chimed in. I loved when Isabella chimed in with her expressions because she knew perfectly when to say them. It was the beginning of the new because I was going off to a new city and doing things I have never done before. I was done with the old me and now I am working on being the new me.
She wasn’t done with her expressions. “And like people say throw the old self out like an old pair of snickers.” She finished her statement with a big smile on her face.

I didn’t say anything at the first moment. I needed a minute to process what she had said. After a minute I decided that I still didn’t understand what in the god’s name she meant. So the only thing I could do was give her a weird look. She then looked up and saw my expression on my face. “What?”

I started to laugh at her. I couldn’t believe that she didn’t think what she said was at all weird. “Who in the world says that?” I asked trying to figure out where she learned these crazy slangs from. Isabella always came up with these weird sayings or expressions. She would always say that tons of people say them and that I was just out of the loop. I think that she is the one what that is out of the loop.

I could tell that I had her there because she had a concentration look on her face. She had to really think about what she was going to say. “Well I say it and that’s the only thing that matters.” She said smugly acting like she was the center of the world.

I laughed at her. I thought that Isabella was one of the funniest people that I have ever met because she thought she was always right. “You’re so right; you’re the only thing that matters in the world. I can not believe that people have not learned this yet. How will I live without you in my life?” I said sarcastically trying to make a joke about all of this. I loved hanging out with Isabella because we would always joke and have a good time together.

She nudged me and laughed with me. “I don’t know but you’re going to have to start trying because you’re off without me to the other side of the country. I guess your going to have to just stop doing this competition then we wouldn’t have this problem.” She said looking at me, making look like the bad guy.

“Oh and your not off to New York for your radio internship. I think that you should really look at yourself before you start attacking me there. While if I didn’t get this I would be stuck here without you.” I said shooting back at her. I knew she was joking but I decided that I should make her like the bad guy too.

“True, true.” She said quickly. She knew that I was right and she couldn’t actually say anything against it. I was proud that I got her into a corner. She of course decided to leave off our conversation with another advice. “It’s the end of the old and the beginning of the new.” She repeated her saying what she said earlier.

“Well there is a saying I have heard of.” I said still being sarcastic. But it was true, tonight was that last night that I would be in my comfort zone. Tomorrow I will be doing something I was not comfortable with and yet I was ready to jump off the cliff to the unknown. I was ready to feel uncomfortable and experience new things. It was exciting to know that I had no clue where my life would end up. It was a suspenseful novel that I just wanted to read to find out where it would end. And I was hoping by the last page of this novel it was going to work out in the end.

Isabella broke of my trance. I looked up at her face and it wasn’t happy or joking anymore. It surprised me that she was trying to be serious because we really never had these kinds of moments. “Just promise me that no matter what happens we won’t change who we are.” She said looking at me with a concerned look. I didn’t understand why she was concerned. I didn’t know where this came from because I knew I was always going to be the same person but a little bit better.

“I promise because I like us the way we are. We are comfortable with each other and we never have to be some one we are not. It’s nice to know that no matter what I have someone that I will always have on my side.” I said still wondering why she was concerned. I didn’t know where it came from and I wasn’t going to ask why all of a sudden she was worried I wasn’t going to be the same person.

“Good because I like us too. I can’t believe tomorrow is going to be the beginning of the unknown. It still feels weird that were not going to be together for a while. It’s weird that were growing up and were not going to be growing with each other anymore. But maybe we need to grow a little on our own and then we will be together as better people.” I was looking at the sunset when she had said her little spiel. She then realized what I was doing and joined me at looking at the sunset and just enjoying our last night together for a while.

I was still lost in my memory until my mom brought me back from me back to where I was. It took me a minute to know where I was because I still felt like I was with Isabella watching the beautiful sunset from last night. “Honey why in the world are you crying?” I heard the concern in my mom’s voice and I didn’t understand why she was concerned.

I blinked twice and I realized that moisture was coming out of my eyes. Then I realized why my mom was concerned about me. I was crying because of what happened last night. I missed Isabella a lot and it was scary to know that I won’t see her until the end of the summer when both of us would be going off to Towson together. I wiped away that tear that formed and started to blush. I felt for crying because I was giving my mom all this grief for crying and now here I was crying at random. “I was thinking about last night with Isabella that’s all. I can’t believe that I won’t see her for a while.” I admitted looking at her face. She looked very sincere after I said why I was crying. I guess she understood why I was crying.

“It must be hard for you to say goodbye to your close friend. You two haven’t been separated since you two were four, but I think it’s for the best. You both are off on your own journeys which is good. Maybe it’s a good thing that you two have a couple of months with out each other. You both need to be out of your comfort zones for a while so that you guys can experience other things then each other.” She said sounding like the mature one out of us. It was funny when my mom tried to be a mom but I couldn’t deny her this moment.

“Yeah I know that your right. I am just going to miss her that’s all. But it’s not like were not going to see each other. We have Towson next year and she is like a sister to me and I am excited to g on an adventure together.” I said as I got up to put my plate in the sink. I didn’t want to keep going on with our conversation because I knew in the end we were going to probably cry again.

“Honey I will do the dishes don’t worry about those. You are about to go on an adventure and I don’t think you need to be working on the dishes.” My mom yelled from the table. I guess she really didn’t want me to be working on the dishes and I didn’t understand why. I knew that I was about to leave but it’s not like I can’t help her.

“I want to help you out though. You made this amazing breakfast and I would feel bad letting you clean it up by yourself. It’s not fair to you that you do all of the work and I just walk out here doing nothing. Mom I love you too much for you to do all the work by yourself.” I hated when my mom tried to do all of the work. It’s not fair because I can help her work on the dishes and yet she wouldn’t let me.

She walked up to me, grabbed my hands, and pushed them away from the sink. I couldn’t believe that she was being so assertive about the whole thing. I didn’t think it was that big deal for me to help out. “You need to stop acting like the mom. I am the mom and I can do this. It’s not that hard to do the dishes dear. I wanted to make this big breakfast for you and I will clean up the mess so don’t worry about it. Now go get your butt ready because Alice will be here soon.” She said as she looked at the clock. “I don’t want you to miss your flight just because you felt bad for me doing the dishes.” I wanted to object but she wouldn’t give me the chance. “March lady!” She then pointed towards the stairs.

I knew that I wasn’t going to win this argument so I just stopped what I was doing. “Alright I will go get ready, but you can’t stop me from feeling bad about doing nothing. I know that you’re my mom but I still think that I should have helped.” I said but before my mom could say anything I was going up the stairs to get ready.

I went into my room and decided to make sure that everything was in order when I got into my room. I decided to clean up my room because it is the least that I could do. I went over to my bed and made up my bed. It wasn’t that bad of a thing because I really didn’t make a big mess when I slept. I then threw all of my dirty clothes in my hamper in the closet. I got the rest of my things that I was going to take on my trip. I took a deep breathe and now I was ready to see what was going to happen in the next couple of weeks.

I walked down stairs ready to start the next part of my journey and the whole kitchen was already clean. I couldn’t believe that my mom got the kitchen clean so fast with out me. I defiantly thought it would take about 2 to 3 hours for her to clean up the kitchen. I guess my mom is the super mom for getting all of this done so quickly. I put my suitcases by the door waiting for Alice to get her. I hadn’t notice that my mom wasn’t in the kitchen when I got downstairs. “Mom where are you?” I said to my mom looking for her. She wasn’t in the kitchen.

“I am coming right now dear.” She said as she came down stairs with a small box in her hand. I was wondering what that was and I was kind of scared. I didn’t mind gifts but if they were over the top, that is when I had a problem. I didn’t like when people got me gifts because I felt like them being in my life was a gift enough. I know that is one of the corniest things you can say but it’s still true. They do many things for me and getting me a gift was too much. I looked at the gift and I could tell that it was going to be over the top. It was a little brown box that looked really new. The box look polishes because there was a nice shine to it.

She walked next to me and I gave her a skeptical look. I didn’t know what was going on and until I got answers I wasn’t going to continue with this whole thing. “What is that in your hands?” I said eyeing the box. I wanted to know answers now because I was still scared about what was in the box.

“Don’t throw a fit dear. I got you a gift and you’re going to like it. I was planning on giving it to you when you go to Towson, but then I decided that this would be a better moment to give it to you. Now that you’re starting off on a new chapter in your life and I decided to give you something on the new chapter.” She said hoping I wouldn’t be mad at her. And I couldn’t be fully mad at my mom for doing something special for me.

“I hope you didn’t spend too much money on me mom because I probably don’t deserve it. You made me this special breakfast and you have always been there for me and I don’t think that you should have gotten me a gift.” I felt guilty about what my mom was doing. First she made a huge goodbye breakfast and now a gift. It was all too much for me.

“That is my business only so don’t throw a fit. I wanted to do something nice for you and I don’t care what you have to say anymore. You have been an amazing daughter and always have been there for you. Today is a special day for you and I thought I would do something special. So you’re going to like what I am doing and be appreciative.” She said as she gave me a stern look trying to make me sure that I see her point.

“Alright I promise that I won’t throw a fit.” I said rolling my eyes. I knew I was going to have to let my mom do her special moments because I loved her so much and just wanted her to be happy. I was going to give her a big smile say thank you and just be really appreciative about what she got me.

“That is what I like to hear.” She said with a very pleasing tone in her voice. I guess she was really happy that I was going to play along with her plane. She handed me the box. I looked down at it for a minute. I didn’t know when it was the right moment to open the box. “Are you going to open it or are you going to stare at it?” My mom was being an impatient and this wasn’t like her. I guess she really wanted me to open this box and find out what she got me.

“Alright, Alright I will open it.” I said acting like I was forced to open the box. I opened the box and then I saw what was inside of it. It was a necklace that looked a couple of years old. There was a silver chain that was connected to a golden locket. I thought it was the most beautiful necklace I have ever seen. “Open the locket.” My mom commanded. She seemed really excited to see my reaction to the gift that she was giving me right now. I picked up the necklace and was careful with it so I didn’t break it on the first day I received it. I open the locket and there on one side was a picture of me and my mom taken just a couple of days ago. Then on the other side was a picture of me and my dad before he passed away. I could feel the tears coming up again. There was something thick in my throat that I couldn’t clear. I couldn’t believe what my mom did for me. It was the greatest thing that she could do with me because I didn’t have that many pictures of my dad and now I had a picture of my dad and me in a necklace.

“Turn it around dear.” My mom could see that I was about to cry. I listened to what she said and I looked at the back. On the back there was a small engraving. “No matter where we are, we are always together in our hearts.” It was what my dad said before he died. I nearly lost it there. I couldn’t believe my mom did this for me. I never dreamed of something like this and now that she did this for me I could never be mad at the women who gave this to me.

I had to clear my throat a couple of times before I could speak. “Mom” I barely got out. I was blubbering like a little girl and I haven’t cried like this for a while. “This is the most beautiful thing that I have ever received. I can’t believe you did this for me.” I didn’t stop the tears from falling done my face. I wanted my mom to see how much I loved this gift.

“Thank you and I knew you would love it.” She said and she gave me a big hug. She didn’t complain about the tears because she was okay with me crying about it. I guess it showed that I really loved the gift she gave me. “Let me put it on you.” She said taking the necklace from me. She was really excited that I finally got my gift. I turned around so she could put the necklace on. I was excited to have this gift because I loved it so much.

I then faced her again and then I grabbed the locket in my hand. I looked down at the amazing golden heart that concealed pictures of me and my parents in it. “I love you so much and I can’t believe you did this for me.” I said gushing because I still couldn’t wrap my head around the gift she just gave me.

“I love you too. And honey you’re a big girl and I had to do something for you. You’re off to do great things and I wanted you to know that your father and I will always be close to your heart. I will never be away from you.” She said explaining her reason behind the necklace. I was surprised that she wasn’t crying with me but I think it might be because if we both were crying I would never leave her. Then this special moment would not be as special anymore.

“Thank you and I will always have you and dad close to my heart. I am really grateful that you’re doing this for me mom. I still can’t believe everything is happening but I know that you and dad will always be with me. You guys have raised me well and I love you guys so much.” I said looking into her eyes and then at the pictures in the locket. In the pictures I might have been young but it was a happy picture and I loved the pictures. I was going to have this locket for the rest of my life.

There was a honk, and I guess that it was Alice. It was excited to know that I was about to leave and have a great experience. Now I didn’t feel so lonely because I had the locket now. “Honey Alice is here and it’s time for you to go.” She said as she started to wipe away all the tears on my face. It was amazing that she didn’t start crying again. She was very calm at this point.

“Okay” Was the only thing that I could say. I didn’t know what else to say. My suite cases were at the door. We walked over the door and I knew it was coming close to the end. She helped me grab my suitcases as we walked down to Alice’s car. Alice was driving black 1997 dodge neon and it looked like a cute little job. She popped the trunk as she got out of the car. She had a big smile on her face as she got out of the car.

Alice saw that I was crying. I guess that I wasn’t really good at keeping my emotions in check today. I knew I wasn’t going to be able to because of my conversation with my mom “Are you okay April?” She gave me a worried expression. I guess I looked really bad at the moment.

“Yeah I am fine I was just crying at the necklace my mom gave me, that’s all.” I said as I eyed down at the necklace. I wanted her to notice my necklace because I loved it.

“Well it’s a pretty locket and it was really nice of your mom to do that.” Alice said looking at my mom. She got closer and she had a big smile on her face as she looked at my necklace. I guess Alice really liked my necklace because she couldn’t stop starring at it.

“Yeah I know what you mean.” I said then looking at my mom. I was pretty impressed with my mom today. She cooked me an amazing breakfast and then gave me an awesome necklace. I am thinking this is the best day my mom has done for me. I wish I had a medal to give her for being the best mom in the world.

We stood there for a minute just looking at each other. We didn’t know what to say each other for a moment. I was still thinking about how amazing this morning was and thinking especially about the necklace. My mom was the one to break of the quietness. “Well you two need to get on the road before you miss your flight.” My mom didn’t want there to be anymore tears. She wanted there to be one happy goodbye and she didn’t want us to be crying.

“Your mom’s right. We need to go because our flights really soon and I rather not miss our flight and have to wait till tomorrow to get our plane ride to Hollywood.” Alice said as she got into the driver’s seat. She was ready to go and so was I. I wanted to go find out what is out there.

I looked at my mom for a minute. I didn’t know what I was going to say because I didn’t know if it was going to be a tearful goodbye. We had a lot of those today and it wouldn’t be a shocker to end on one. “I am going to miss you so much while I am there. I will call you everyday and I will make sure that you know every thing that’s going on out there.” I said and I could feel the tears coming back again. I thought that I could do this without any tears but of course I couldn’t. It looks like I was going to get the tearful goodbye after all.

“I know honey and I will miss you too. But I will be with you in spirit like you said. I love you and I am so proud of you. I know that you will be doing great things out there and I know that you will make me proud even more. I am so happy that you’re going to chase your dreams and I love you.” She said as she grabbed me for a big hug. It was a nice hug that sent nice warm feelings into my heart and I loved it. I am going to miss her but I knew that I had to go off on my own for a little bit.

“I love you too mom. And I will make you proud of me. I will miss you so much while I am out there.” I said just hugging her for a minute. I didn’t want to let go because I knew I was going to miss her so much.

She released me from the hug. I didn’t want her to let go but I knew that I had to go so that I can chance dreams. “Alright you better get along so you don’t miss your flight like I said. I don’t want you to miss your flight because of us hugging.” I could see that the tears were starting to form in her eyes and she wanted to be the strong one between us. I needed her to stop crying because I knew that I was never going to leave at the longest time.

“Okay I will call you when I get there. And I hope that you have a fun time without me. And I am going to miss you so much and I don’t want you to do anything dangerous while I am gone.” I was sounding like a mom as if I was going on a vacation and leaving her all by herself hoping she doesn’t throw a party. I walked over to the passenger side of the car.

“Alright I love you April.” My mom said as a tear started to form at her eye. She wiped it away before it went anywhere else. I guess she wanted me to make sure that she wasn’t crying anymore. She wanted me to be happy about my decision and know that she is going to be safe.

“I love you too.” I said as I got into the car. I didn’t want to say goodbye to my mom but now it was time to go forth and see what happens. Alice’s car was very clean and I was really impressed. I didn’t think she was the clean type of girl. Alice and I waved to my mom and my mom waved back. Alice drove away from my house towards the airport.

“Are you ready for this?” Alice said as we left my street. Alice seemed really eager in her question and I guess she was really excited to see what happens next just like me.

“Yeah I am ready.” I screamed as loud as I could not care if anyone could hear me. I was ready for the beginning of the new. I closed the book on the old and I was ready. I was on the edge of the cliff and I was smiling. I was smiling because I knew that I was no longer going to be doing the ordinary thing anymore. I looked down at the edge of the unknown as it smiled towards me. I smiled back and fell gracefully into the unknown.

My Life Through Writing

Tuesday, April 20, 2010

I gotta do me

Monday, April 19, 2010

Hello Old Friend

Saturday, April 17, 2010

Be Mine Forever

Young Love

Tuesday, April 13, 2010

I'll Choose My Path

Tuesday, April 6, 2010

Chapter Three Of Tinsel Town.

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