I gotta do me

The red light in my life has turned green for me
my bags are packed and it's time for me to go
i need to leave now while the light is still green
give it a chance while i have it

i know you want me to stay
your mouth says no
but your eyes say yes
darling i love you, but i gotta do me
i have to think about me and think of my career
it's time for me now

if you love me you have to let me go
i'll be back one day for you
and we will be together

I gotta do me
see the world and have life in me
stop going through the motions
follow my dreams
follow my heart

writing is my heart and i can't stop putting it on hold
it's my passion and nothing else matters to me
i can't stop and i need to ride this for all it has
so let me go

i feel like i'm just going through the motions of time
making myself a puppet
pleasing everyone except me
i gotta do me
cutting the strings and pleasing me
and not caring about the others for once

ther's no life for me here
i've got to move towards my life goals
and getting out there

I gotta do me
see the world and have life in me
stop going through the motions
follow my dreams
follow my heart

i know you want me to stay
i want to for us but i can't settle anymore
i have to go out there and get life in me
get inspired and be happy with my life

i know it's going to be hard
it's not the right choice
but it's my choice
i gotta do me and i have to leave this town
it's not practical but when is chasing your dreams practical
it's time to leave and follow my heart

Hello Old Friend

It's been along time since i have seen you
i look at you and i hardly remember the person i once knew
you smile the same smile and laugh the same laugh
but you seem older, wiser, and more mature

hello old friend
i have been waiting for this for years
you look at me and say that i look different
i know i do
life has phased me just like you
but it's been a positive way

i see us still as the closest of friends from years ago
now remembering it all

Hello old friend
it's nice to see you again
its been years since we have last seen each other
but we will always be the same

we didnt end our friendship of bad terms
life just the best of us and eventually we drifted apart
im not blaming anyone but time
but now we can sit here and catch up with each other

photos, stories, laughs, and memories fill the air
i still cant believe your the same friends from years ago.
the one i would run around the parking alot with
get stuck in the mud
and make fun of our professors

how we have changed
and yet still act like our crazyselves in a heartbeat

Hello old friend
it's nice to see you again
its been years since we have last seen each other
but we will always be the same

oh this old town we grew up in is way too small for us
we went off into the world
chose different paths and saw what was out there
we gave life a go and have matured because of it
but i still see the old friend who is still dear to me

time and life took over in us
but we are the same
we will go cause choas in a heartbeat
laugh and make new memories with each other
we both have matured and have life in us
but it's still nice to know the person
i remember is still in there

Be Mine Forever

Let your heart decided your decision
dont be scared of greatness
believe in me and what we can have
i know it's scary what could happen
but you need to know what the potential could be
be mine forever

i know we have had our bumps and rough patches
but i know your the one
we have been through so much together
we have had our ups and downs
but your the one for me
i love you no matter what

we are our own love story
that millions would want to have
and dream of

Be mine forever
your the girl i love
we have had our ups and downs
but we have been through it all
and still loved each other in the end

when i first saw you that one day
i knew you would be mine forever
the butterflies came
the heart raced for miles
i was drawn to you by unknown forces
but now looking back i know it was destined

you were all i could think about
you were smart, funny and a smile brighten the world
we just clicked together and have been maginified ever since then
i cant see me being with anyone else

so be mine forever
and never look back.

Be mine forever
your the girl i love
we have had our ups and downs
but we have been through it all
and still loved each other in the end

we fight like other couples but we get over them
we realize how much we love each other
we get over and kiss quickly after
then it's another honeymoon for us

so why dont we be closer
stop with all the cherads
your the girl of my dreams
i love you so much
your the one
so be mine forever
and marry me

Young Love

We thought we could conquer everything and anything
we said our love had no bounds
and nothing could break us up
we had our whole future in front of us
we were unstopppable in our eyes

it's so sad to say that we were completely wrong
it was young love that blinded us both from reality
we thought time was going to be in our favor
not our greatest enemy

we couldnt see reality
we were so focus that we got cocky
and didnt open our eyes

young love
it was our worst enemy
we were so blinded to see the truth
we thought we were unstoppable
but in fact we were failing at the start

we started out the perfect couple
that everyone was looking up to
no one thought we were going to end
we were happy and supposedly in love with each other
young love i would call it now

years later time finally caught up to us
pictures of now didnt have the same look as pictures of the past
now we didnt know who we are anymore
your not the girl i loved

it all seems to be unreal
we were suppose to be married and be the perfect couple
not a diaster

young love
it was our worst enemy
we were so blinded to see the truth
we thought we were unstoppable
but in fact we were failing at the start

we slowly faded away apart from each other
we thought nothing could stop us
and that is what made us fail in the end
we never thought we would leave the honeymoon stage

i guess young love was our faliure in the end
we didnt grow up from it
we thought we would never end
cloud 9 ruined us in the end
young love, should have grown up but we didnt and we failed

I'll Choose My Path

If you dont like what i'm doing with my life
well there is the suggestion box
i'll get back to you
if you didnt like my weight well go run for the both of us
if you like my choice of school then fix it for me

you have so many rpoblems with the path that i'm choosing
well i'm sorry that you got a problem with that
but i'll choose my path
you have your own so go ahead and walk yours

this life was assigned to me
so i'll make it better or worse by my decisions.

i'll choose my path
i'll write my book
these pages filled with my own decisions
so now everyone can stop speaking for me

life is way too short for me to listen to all
so you have all turned into background noise
i love you all but this is my life and not yours
i'll choose my path

i'll flip a desk and walk to the train station
and go off to the city to find me
my life is writing and i'm going to show you all what i got
so keep the concerns to yourself

i got the attitude to achieve greatness
change lives and inspire
i'm taking that chance

i'll choose my path
i'll write my book
these pages filled with my own decisions
so now everyone can stop speaking for me

i know it will be hard
i have that
but i'll have my name on that cover
my fame in print
so stop all the concerns
i'll choose my path

i'll change your view one day
you will be proud and won't judge anymore
the green light on my life has now happened
i'm driving off and not looking back
so be proud and accept the path I chose

Chapter Three Of Tinsel Town.

Final Chapter I am putting up.

Chapter Three: The End of the Old

I woke up with the sun shining into my eyes. I was still really tired because I didn’t get much sleep last night. I stayed up the night before talking to Alice the whole time. We talked about how we were about to go off to Hollywood and how much fun we are going to have when we are there. Ever since the audition we have been close friends hanging out every chance I could get without dumping Isabella. We were both excited that we had someone as our support system while we were out there. My mom loves Alice and those two hit it off really good. My mom was just really excited that I had someone to go with me through this whole journey. Of course my mom completely approved of the idea now that she knew I wasn’t going to be out there by myself. I was scared that Isabella wasn’t going to like my new friend but actually they get more along then Alice and me. When ever Alice came over, Isabella would hang out with her more then me. I felt like sometimes I was the third wheel and sometimes I was okay with that. All I wanted was for my mom and Isabella to like Alice. The best part about the whole thing is I won’t have to go through this alone. I didn’t have to worry about making new friends or standing in the corner of something by myself. I knew now that I would be okay in the end.

I turned over to look at my clock; it said 9:59 a.m. I had less then a minute until my alarm clock was going to go off. I hated my alarm clock because it made a really annoying noise. It would start with a beeping noise and then slowly get louder and louder. In the end it sounded like the alarm clock was having a psychotic episode. I got up quickly to turn it off before I had to hear the noise. My whole room was small and I liked it that way. It had dark blue walls, with a bed, a desk, and a dresser. There was nothing fancy about my room but I loved it the way it was. I didn’t see the point of putting up all of these posters or trying to make it look like it deserved to be on a T.V. show. I was very down to earth when it came to those kinds of things. I didn’t believe in all of the designer things or trying to be very expensive. I never had the life style where I could afford 200 dollar jeans, but I would never want that in the first place. My mom always taught me to know the value of a dollar and it’s been forced into my head since birth. My mom was a social worker and my dad was a professor so we really didn’t have money in the first place.

My dresser’s had nothing in them because all my clothes were in my suitcases. While on the phone with Alice last night I just threw tons of clothes into a suitcase. I really wasn’t like other girls who needed about 2 weeks to plan a trip. I was a procrastinator and I usually did things like packing at the last minute. I walked over to my calendar and tripped over my suitcases. I caught myself with the dresser and I was happy that I didn’t hurt myself. I wouldn’t consider myself a klutz but there were those moments when I would run into a door or a person. I remember my first day of high school and I wasn’t looking and I ran straight into the principal. I was so embarrassed I just ran away from him before he could say anything else. While I ran away from the principal I also ran into a door so it wasn’t my best moment. I shook my head as I looked at my calendar and I nearly screamed. It was the day I was leaving to Hollywood to begin my journey. I was so excited to go and have an amazing time. I was excited to have the chance to become a somebody and not be an anybody.

I was in the mood to do something this morning. I already knew today was going to be a good day but I didn’t want to just sit here and act like it wasn’t. I went over to my radio and turned it up the highest I would go. Some pop song was on and I didn’t care what it was. I ran and started dancing on top of my bed singing along to it. I didn’t care if I looked like a complete idiot because I was in such a good mood that no one could stop me from being happy. I was swinging my long brown hair from side to side, singing along to the song that was on. I was having a really good time just singing to the song.

There was a knock at my door but I barely heard it because the music was so loud. My mom walked into the room and just gave me a not surprised look. I usually did this a lot when something major was happening that day. I had done it the day I graduated high school because I was ready to start a new chapter of my life. I didn’t see anything wrong with just singing along to songs. She had a problem with it because my Aunt from Florida was up and she wanted to keep her asleep. I didn’t notice that she came into the room, she scared the crap out of me and I fell off of my bed. I landed right on top of my suitcase. Once again another klutz moment strikes again. My mom ran over to the radio and turned it all the way down to make it background music. My mom wasn’t a strict parent but she didn’t like the music being all the way up to where she couldn’t think. She then ran over to the side of me. “Honey is you alright?” My mom said giving me a worried look hoping that I didn’t break anything.

“Yeah I am fine.” I said but it didn’t describe how I was feeling. Fine didn’t cover the amount of emotions that I was feeling right now. I was about to go off chasing my dreams and there was a possibility that I was going to win the competition. It was amazing to me that everything was happening for me. I decided to say the truth and get my feelings out. “You know what; I’m not fine I am perfect. I am going off to Hollywood today and I was going to go chase my dreams. I am about to prove to people that I am not someone that is flown under the radar but a person who stands out. Mom I could become a singing sensation!” I said almost singing it. I haven’t been this happy in such a long time. It wasn’t that I was always depressed or anything but I felt like something was missing. I thought that maybe it was that I didn’t have my dad in my life. It was hard when I lost him but I had to move on and be happy. I couldn’t keep going through life hoping that he would come back. My mom always told me that I had to accept it and that God always had a plan. I was okay with God having his plan and now I knew his plan for me. It was for me to go off to Hollywood and sing in the competition. He didn’t want me to be just another person; he wanted me to be special and live my dream.

This was more of I was missing chasing my dreams. I felt like I wasn’t pursuing singing with all of my heart. Yeah Towson was where I want to go but I have wanted to go there my whole life, which it seemed like fate. Not a dream that I was chasing after. It seemed that Towson was more of my brain’s desire and there was nothing that my heart really desired. Going to Hollywood was a dream that I was chasing, I haven’t heard my whole life that I was going there to become a big star. That was what my heart desired and now I felt complete about it.

“I am really happy that your better than fine.” My mom admitted. I sensed that my mom always knew that going to Towson wasn’t enough for me. That I wanted to go out there and do more with my voice and now that I found it she was thrilled with it. “You have always said you were fine and I didn’t believe you. I can see in your eyes that you’re truly happy and I love that. It now seems like the true you are finally coming out. It seems that the true April happiness if coming back and I am grateful for it to come back. It has been a long time since I have seen this side of you and it’s nice to see it come back out again.” It seemed like my mom was going to cry and I hated when that happened. I didn’t like when my mom cried because I felt guilty that my mom cried. Ever since my dad died I took on the role of being her care giver and I hated when she was weak like this because I feel like I failed at my job. I don’t know why I feel like that but it just happens sometimes. It was scary leaving my mom by herself but I knew it was time for me to go do something for myself.

“Thanks mom and I are happy. I am excited to see what’s out there and I can’t believe that it’s so soon though. I can’t believe I leave today. I feel like the audition was just yesterday and all of the nerves that I had from it. Now it’s the day to leave and I am leaving Owings today Mom!” I squeal as it finally is starting to hit me that by the end of the day I wouldn’t be in Owings anymore.

“I remember when you were such a little girl and you said you wanted to sing. I was scared because you sounded like all those other little girls. But when you opened your mouth and I saw how much you loved singing I could tell that you were going to be big. I just can’t believe it is happening all so fast. You just graduated from high school and you’re off now to Hollywood to chase your dreams. I still wondered to this day where that little girl that I held when you were born went. The little girl that wanted me to make her a peanut butter and jelly sandwich cut into squares. Or the little girl that always loved to play hide and seek on me and I would find you up in a tree. ” My mom was being hysterical and she started to tear up again. I knew I couldn’t go off to Hollywood without there being a couple of tears. I knew that this was the price I was going to pay listening to my mom blubber about how I just grew up all fast. I didn’t mind at all because my mom did this all of the time. She always talked about how I am growing up to fast and I need to slow down. She said that she was going to make a device to stop me aging so it wouldn’t show her age. I always laughed at her.

“Mom” I grabbed her to hug her and console her. I hated when she cried like this but I know that it wasn’t tears of sadness. It wasn’t like she was upset about anything and her heart was about to start breaking. This was tears of joy that I was moving on to bigger and better things. I only knew this because she was crying with a huge smile on her face. I grabbed her face. “Mom looks at me.” I said waiting for her to see my face. She looked at me but still had tons of tears in her eyes. “I will always be your little girl and always be here for you. It’s not like I am just going to abandon you. You’re my mom and I am always going to need you. So don’t worry. You have me as your daughter forever. So stop crying because I don’t need you crying on me. I don’t know if I can handle anymore crying.” I kept hugging her so that she would stop crying. She started to slowly get control of herself again. I was happy about that because I didn’t need her to be a hot mess when I said goodbye to her.

I understood where my mom was coming from. I was her only child and it was scary that I was leaving off chasing my dreams. She had so much love for me and she never wanted to have another child. My dad and she were considering having another child but my mom just wanted me. She never wanted to have to split her love between kids. She just wanted to love me and give all of her devotion to me. I wasn’t upset with that because I don’t know what I would do being an older sister to a little sibling. The good thing about all of that is that I am my mom’s favorite kids and nothing could change that. I was her everything and she was my everything too. My mom and I have been through so much it was hard to know that this one thing I wouldn’t be able to go through with her.

“I am just being a mother I guess.” She said shrugging thinking that what she was doing was not a big deal “Well anyways I think that’s enough tears for one day.” She said as she wiped away a couple of tears that were on her cheek.

“Yeah mom I think that is enough for one day.” I said wiping another tear off of her cheek. Joking with her because I wanted us to have a good couple of moments let with her before I let off to Hollywood.

My mom wiped a couple of tears that I forgot to get. “Well anyways, breakfast is on the table so get your butt dress and come down stairs. Also while you were jamming out, Alice called and she will be here around 11:30 to get you. So you two don’t miss your flight and then I would have to hear complain about missing your flight.” My mom joked trying to make the tears just a distant memory and have us leave on a good note. My mom’s playful happy smile turned into a serious smile. I could only tell because her smile went from being the biggest it can to more a smaller smile. I am so happy that you have a good friend that will be with you every step of the way. I just can’t believe your going-” My mom was starting again and I didn’t need another teary moment. I knew if she was going to start again then I don’t know if I could stop her from crying.

“Mom, Mom let’s not have another teary moment. I think that is enough for now. Besides I will call you everyday that I am there so you will kind of be there in spirit. So there is no need to keep crying. ” I tried to persuade her that she was going to help me through this in a way. She was going to be my support system and every time I had doubts about something she was going to be there to make sure that I knew that I had the ability to do anything I wanted.

My mom finally saw the light and knew that I was making sense. “I guess that your right. I am being such a cry baby it’s so embarrassing.” My mom blushed, she felt like an idiot for crying. I didn’t think that my mom was being an idiot for crying. I just think that she was being a mom and that was okay. Every mom has the right to cry a little when their daughter goes off to chase their dreams. I didn’t think my mom was an idiot. I just thought that she was being the greatest mom that I love having.

“Mom you’re not being a cry baby, your just being a mom. And any other mom would be crying to if there little girl was going off to the other part of the country. So don’t worry about it.” I said as I gave her a hug. I didn’t want her to feel guilty for her crying because she was being my mom.

That’s what I liked about me and my moms relationship. When one of us was down the other one would reason with them and console them. My mom was usually the one that was down so I was used to consoling her. I don’t regret it at all, I was her rock and I loved that. I loved having a mom who was crazy and fun just like me. I was going to miss her when I am gone but I know that we were not going to be out of touch and that’s what made me not break down right then and there with her.

My mom got up from off my floor. She stretched her muscles because we were on the ground for a little bit. She wiped the rest of her tears and she didn’t look like she had cried except in the eyes. She put on a smile to make sure that she didn’t cry as much anymore. “I’ll let you get changed so that you can get ready to go.” My mom said as she walked out of the room.

My mom closed the door and I could hear her footsteps downstairs until it finally got quiet. I was alone in my room for a minute and it was eerie. It was quiet and it was odd that this was my last time being in my room for a while. I knew that I would come home from this adventure eventually but I wouldn’t be the same person. This experience would change me hopefully for the better so in a way this was the last time I would be in this room as the person I am right now. I looked around and I felt like I was growing up. It was as someone would call it as my ride of passage to the world. Going to Hollywood was my test to see if I could handle the real world and I hope that I don’t fail at it. I didn’t want to come back from this a failure and have my dreams crushed. I was going to go to Hollywood and be determined to win. I couldn’t believe everything was happening all so fast but I loved it. I love that my life was changing and wasn’t staying the same boring monotone. It was going to have some new high parts and my life was going to turn out to be a beautiful song that I would play over and over again.

I knew that I had to start getting ready for my trip and I hadn’t even taken a shower yet. I knew I was running a little behind because my mom and I had our little moment. I looked around for my toiletries. I got all of my things and took a nice long shower that I deserved at this moment. When ever I felt frantic or stressed out I would take a shower. I needed a shower before any talent show or any time I performed. This was my so to speak happy place other then singing of course. I usually took a bath but I didn’t have enough time to fully go to my happy place. I turned on the shower and let the hot water steam the whole bathroom up. I took off all my clothes and put my foot into the shower to see if it was warm enough. The hot water splashed onto my toe and I pulled away from the water. It was right at the temperature that I like it, scolding hot. I then got into the shower. The hot water flowed all down my back acting like tiny fingers massaging my whole back and relaxing me. I finally got into a place of comfort that I started to sing a little. I knew today was going to be a good day and was excited to see where it was going to take me.

After I was finally clean and calm from the shower I turned off the water. I could hardly see because the steam lingered in the shower just like a sauna. I walked out of the shower and grabbed my towel to dry myself off. I still couldn’t see so I walked over to the mirror so I could at least see what I looked like. I wiped the mirror of all the steam and I got a good look at myself. It was a different person that I saw in the mirror. The person looked a lot like me but you got a different vibe from this person. The person in the mirror looked happier. Their eyes showed excitement and joy. This new girl in the mirror looked like she had the whole world on her finger tips and she was going to take what ever she could to accomplish her goals. She was fearless and wasn’t going to take no as an answer. I liked this new person and I wanted to be this person. I wanted to be the person in the mirror all of the time.

I walked out of the bathroom and a surge of cold air hit me. I didn’t like that after you get out of the shower. I ran into my room so that I could get warmer as soon as possible. I closed my door so that I could change. I had planned out what I was going to wear the night before. I opened my closet and there was what I was going to wear. I decided that I should look comfortable. I decided to go with a blue tank top and a nice pair of jeans. I knew I wasn’t going to stand out but I didn’t have any pretty dresses to put on. I got changed and put my hair up into a ponytail. I looked into the mirror to make sure I didn’t look like a complete mess. Once I knew I looked my best I walked out of my room. I could smell an aroma of breakfast food and I was kind of scared what my mom was going to do. She went over the tom sometimes and I didn’t know what she had done. I walked down the stairs and saw all of the food in the kitchen. We had a small kitchen table but some how all of the food fit on the small oak table. There were eggs, toast, bacon, ham, cinnamon rolls, and sausage. It looked like a big buffet for a group of twenty people. Unless I am sure I didn’t think that we had people coming over that could eat all of this. I still couldn’t believe what my mom did. So I had to take a second look at the spread of food that was on the table. I couldn’t believe that my mom would actually do so much work for me leaving for a couple of weeks. I could understand this if I was going off to Towson but not for me going to Hollywood. My mouth of course opened up and if it could it would drop to the floor and my tongue would roll out like in those wolf cartoons. You know the ones where the wolf sees a hot chick in red and just basically wants to have sex with her any chance he gets. But this time I was the wolf and my hot chick was the mountains and mountains of food on the table.

“Mom what is all of this?” I said looking at my mom. I wanted to go up to her and smack her upside the head because this was of course way too much food for us. She could cure world hunger with all of the food that she had on the table. My mom loved to cook and she hated fast food. She thought fast food was disgusting and that who ever “invented” fast food should have a heart attack for what they caused. She always thought that you should have a good hardy meal. She would say that it makes people live longer and have happier lives then the obese people that eat fast food all the time. My mom always said that a meal brings people together. That it makes people enjoy spending time with their family and actually keeps everyone involved in each other lives. But when I looked at the table full of food I knew it was too much for her to do and she was desperate to have these last minutes with me. If my mom cooked this much food all the time then I wouldn’t be that surprised but this was so much food that I couldn’t believe she had time to cook it all.

“I don’t know what you’re talking about.” My mom said innocently. She knew that this was not normal for her but she was playing it off. She acted as if I was being crazy by giving me a concerned look. She kept going on setting up the feast that was already on the table.

“I think you do know what I am talking about.” She said in a defensive tone as she was putting more food on the table. She acting like she was on trial and I was accusing her of murder.

I thought it was funny that she was still denying all of her little stunt. “You have never done anything like this before. I would have remembered if you had made a breakfast feast for about twenty people. Mom this is so much food, how do you think I am going to eat all of this. You have to know there are just two of us and we can not finish this all by ourselves.” I said giving her a skeptical look. I wanted to hear her excuse for this one. My mom always had something to say so now I was ready to hear what she had to say.

“Honey can’t you just let me do something special for you, without you being so skeptical. I am your mother and I have a right to make you a big ass breakfast. You did something amazing and I am allowed to show you how proud I am.” She said making it sound like it was her God given right to make a big meals. I thought it was really hysterical that we were fighting over her making me a big breakfast.

“Yeah but-” I tried to say until she interrupted me.

“But nothing, now sit your butt down and start eating. This is the last time you will actually have a good home cook meal inside your belly before you come back. So I want to hear no complaining.” My mom said trying to act like a mom. She gave me a stern look and then she pointed at the table. I couldn’t believe that my mom was actually acting like a mom.

I gave up because I knew that it was hard for her to know that she will have the whole house to herself tomorrow. I wanted to give her the chance to be happy with me before she is lonely for two weeks. I decided that I was going to be her perfect daughter and eat everything that she had on the table. Well I was going to try to eat it all because I probably will blow up if I had all of this food. “Alright mom I will eat your dang meal without complaining. I might even like it, if I am up for it.” I said sarcastically. I always loved my mom’s cooking. She had a lot of practice since she cooked all the time and never did anything the quick an easy way.

She caught my sarcasm. It was scary how close we are that even she even knew when I was being sarcastic. She rolled her eyes because she knew that I was joking around with her. “Good that is all I ask for.” She had a big smile on her face that we were about to eat a big breakfast together before I went off. She said taking a seat across from me.

I just looked at my mom for a couple of seconds before she decided to grab my plate. I was going to protest from making a plate for her but I didn’t see the point of arguing with her. She then put the food in front of me. “Well don’t let the food get to waster start eating.” I did what she did and I grabbed my fork. We started eating a meal that was supposed to be for kings. I was happy that she made everything because everything was amazing. I had a big smile on my face as all of the flavors danced around in my mouth. I let the cinnamon bun and eggs blend together to make an amazing flavor and I could feel the warmth of the food slowly go down towards my belly. It was the best breakfast that I had in a long time. We were silent for a while because we were just enjoying the food that my god like cooking mom made.

I finished my plate of food and I still was hungry and I still wanted to eat more. I grabbed a couple of things and my mom was really happy that I was eating more of the food. She didn’t say anything but she had a smile when I put more food on my plate. After I enjoyed the flavors this time of the toast and bacon I became stuffed. I pushed my plate away from me. I was stuffed and I couldn’t put anymore in my belly. I could feel in my stomach that I gained I think about 5 pounds of breakfast food. “Mom that was amazing but I feel like I might puke. And I really don’t feel like changing again because I got puke on my clothes.” I said being a little whiney. I wanted to be a little whiney so that she wouldn’t guilt me into more food.

“I know you and you won’t puke. Thank you for the complement. I am really glad you like it so much.” She pushed her plate away from her too and sat back in her seat. We barely put a dent into the food and I was kind of sad that my entire mom’s food was going to go to waste. But then again she was the one that decided to make all of this food so I couldn’t be that sad about it.

We sat there for a minute just staring at different directions. I looked at the clock and Alice was going to be here in a couple of minutes. It hit me that I was going to have to say goodbye to my mom soon. I was glad that it was the only goodbye I had to do today. I don’t know if I could have done two goodbyes today with out fully breaking down and decided not to go to Hollywood. I already said goodbye to Isabella a day earlier and it was sad that she couldn’t come with me.

“I am really going to miss you while I am there.” I said tearing up with Isabella. We both were on my porch just looking at the sunset. The sky was filled with orange, yellow, red, and a splash of purple. It was like it was out of a painting and it was absolutely gorgeous. We were both looking out at the field as a nice summer breeze touched our skin to give us both goose bumps.

“I know and I will miss you too but hey you shouldn’t be upset about it. I’m off to an internship at a big radio station.” Isabella was looking forward to her internship. She wanted to be big in T.V., her goal was to be bigger then Barbra Walters. I thought that she had the chops to accomplish that. When we were in high school she was executive producer of our broadcasting show and she made it enjoyable to watch. Most of the school said that they only watched the show because of her. When she found out about her internship she was sad that she was going to have to leave me behind. She didn’t want us to be apart for our last summer together but I forced her to go out there and follow her dream. Then I started to think about how she wanted me to try out for the singing competition. It was very odd that it was the day before she found out about her internship. Secretly I think she wanted me to try out for “The Next Big Thing” so that she wouldn’t have to feel bad about me leaving. “And you’re off to Hollywood to be a big ole singer.” She said with a smile and she was also thrilled that I was going to Hollywood to pursue my dream.

“I know that, but still I wish we could go do this together though. I wish you could go off to Hollywood with me and then I would go with you to your radio internship.” I said just wishing that I could happen. I started imagining Isabella, Alice, and I staying up into the last nights gossiping and having a great time. Taking funny pictures of each other and watching Isabella in the crowd cheering me on, then after I win the competition we are going to New York so that I can watch her with her internship. I haven’t been away from Isabella since we became great friends. But I guess we needed to learn how be separated from each other sooner or later.

“I know what you mean but hey we will be back together to rule the world. So don’t fret were chasing our dreams. It’s not like I am dying or something. We still have E-mail, text, and calling each other. It’s just for the summer so it’s not that big of a deal. Then if you still want to go to Towson we will be back together in the fall. So it’s not that big of a deal.” Isabella was my logic side of my brain with my mom and that’s what I loved about her. She might have had crazy ideas but when I was having a nervous breakdown she was the voice of reason. She did have a point that this is not a big deal because we were going to be roommates at Towson in the fall.

“Of course I still want to go to Towson. Why wouldn’t I want to? It’s going to weird being away from you and my mom. I don’t know what I would do if I didn’t have you to survive at Towson. I can’t believe you would think that I would not go to Towson. It’s my mom that I don’t know what to do about.” Isabella gave me an eyebrow and I knew that I was going to have to explain myself. “I just am worried she won’t have anyone there to help her.” I said thinking about my mom being all by herself was scary. What if she falls down the stairs and she couldn’t reach the phone. She would be stuck their by herself and it sent shivers down my spine.

“Don’t worry she won’t be by herself. She will have my mom as her close friend. Both of them will be crying about how their little girls have abandoned them and all the other junk. So you need to stop thinking that your mom is just going to die by her lonesome self. Worst case scenario she dies with my mom with her. ” Isabella gave off a little laugh thinking about what she said. “ Then our mom will blame us for it and they will leave us a letter blaming us.” Isabella said as she rolled her eyes at the thought of our moms. The sad part is that would actually happen which is really scary. Our moms would blame us for them being clumsy and falling down the stairs.

“Your right she won’t be by herself and she will be happy. I shouldn’t worry about her too much anymore. She is a big girl and she can handle being by herself for 2 weeks by herself. Everything is happening so fast that I can’t get a grip on all of this.” I said as I looked back at the sunset. It was weird that tomorrow I was off on a big adventure while my life at home was still going to go on without me. I’d never thought that my mom could just live a life without me because I was so use to being the center of her world. I know that sounds like me being a spoiled brat but I was so used to it being true. She actually told me a couple of times that I was her whole world. After a while of hearing it, you start believing it.

“Yeah but I think though it’s time for change. Like they always say once you graduate from high school everything changes. I think that maybe it’s time for us to start a new chapter of our lives. It’s the end of the old and now we are starting the beginning of the new.” Isabella chimed in. I loved when Isabella chimed in with her expressions because she knew perfectly when to say them. It was the beginning of the new because I was going off to a new city and doing things I have never done before. I was done with the old me and now I am working on being the new me.
She wasn’t done with her expressions. “And like people say throw the old self out like an old pair of snickers.” She finished her statement with a big smile on her face.

I didn’t say anything at the first moment. I needed a minute to process what she had said. After a minute I decided that I still didn’t understand what in the god’s name she meant. So the only thing I could do was give her a weird look. She then looked up and saw my expression on my face. “What?”

I started to laugh at her. I couldn’t believe that she didn’t think what she said was at all weird. “Who in the world says that?” I asked trying to figure out where she learned these crazy slangs from. Isabella always came up with these weird sayings or expressions. She would always say that tons of people say them and that I was just out of the loop. I think that she is the one what that is out of the loop.

I could tell that I had her there because she had a concentration look on her face. She had to really think about what she was going to say. “Well I say it and that’s the only thing that matters.” She said smugly acting like she was the center of the world.

I laughed at her. I thought that Isabella was one of the funniest people that I have ever met because she thought she was always right. “You’re so right; you’re the only thing that matters in the world. I can not believe that people have not learned this yet. How will I live without you in my life?” I said sarcastically trying to make a joke about all of this. I loved hanging out with Isabella because we would always joke and have a good time together.

She nudged me and laughed with me. “I don’t know but you’re going to have to start trying because you’re off without me to the other side of the country. I guess your going to have to just stop doing this competition then we wouldn’t have this problem.” She said looking at me, making look like the bad guy.

“Oh and your not off to New York for your radio internship. I think that you should really look at yourself before you start attacking me there. While if I didn’t get this I would be stuck here without you.” I said shooting back at her. I knew she was joking but I decided that I should make her like the bad guy too.

“True, true.” She said quickly. She knew that I was right and she couldn’t actually say anything against it. I was proud that I got her into a corner. She of course decided to leave off our conversation with another advice. “It’s the end of the old and the beginning of the new.” She repeated her saying what she said earlier.

“Well there is a saying I have heard of.” I said still being sarcastic. But it was true, tonight was that last night that I would be in my comfort zone. Tomorrow I will be doing something I was not comfortable with and yet I was ready to jump off the cliff to the unknown. I was ready to feel uncomfortable and experience new things. It was exciting to know that I had no clue where my life would end up. It was a suspenseful novel that I just wanted to read to find out where it would end. And I was hoping by the last page of this novel it was going to work out in the end.

Isabella broke of my trance. I looked up at her face and it wasn’t happy or joking anymore. It surprised me that she was trying to be serious because we really never had these kinds of moments. “Just promise me that no matter what happens we won’t change who we are.” She said looking at me with a concerned look. I didn’t understand why she was concerned. I didn’t know where this came from because I knew I was always going to be the same person but a little bit better.

“I promise because I like us the way we are. We are comfortable with each other and we never have to be some one we are not. It’s nice to know that no matter what I have someone that I will always have on my side.” I said still wondering why she was concerned. I didn’t know where it came from and I wasn’t going to ask why all of a sudden she was worried I wasn’t going to be the same person.

“Good because I like us too. I can’t believe tomorrow is going to be the beginning of the unknown. It still feels weird that were not going to be together for a while. It’s weird that were growing up and were not going to be growing with each other anymore. But maybe we need to grow a little on our own and then we will be together as better people.” I was looking at the sunset when she had said her little spiel. She then realized what I was doing and joined me at looking at the sunset and just enjoying our last night together for a while.

I was still lost in my memory until my mom brought me back from me back to where I was. It took me a minute to know where I was because I still felt like I was with Isabella watching the beautiful sunset from last night. “Honey why in the world are you crying?” I heard the concern in my mom’s voice and I didn’t understand why she was concerned.

I blinked twice and I realized that moisture was coming out of my eyes. Then I realized why my mom was concerned about me. I was crying because of what happened last night. I missed Isabella a lot and it was scary to know that I won’t see her until the end of the summer when both of us would be going off to Towson together. I wiped away that tear that formed and started to blush. I felt for crying because I was giving my mom all this grief for crying and now here I was crying at random. “I was thinking about last night with Isabella that’s all. I can’t believe that I won’t see her for a while.” I admitted looking at her face. She looked very sincere after I said why I was crying. I guess she understood why I was crying.

“It must be hard for you to say goodbye to your close friend. You two haven’t been separated since you two were four, but I think it’s for the best. You both are off on your own journeys which is good. Maybe it’s a good thing that you two have a couple of months with out each other. You both need to be out of your comfort zones for a while so that you guys can experience other things then each other.” She said sounding like the mature one out of us. It was funny when my mom tried to be a mom but I couldn’t deny her this moment.

“Yeah I know that your right. I am just going to miss her that’s all. But it’s not like were not going to see each other. We have Towson next year and she is like a sister to me and I am excited to g on an adventure together.” I said as I got up to put my plate in the sink. I didn’t want to keep going on with our conversation because I knew in the end we were going to probably cry again.

“Honey I will do the dishes don’t worry about those. You are about to go on an adventure and I don’t think you need to be working on the dishes.” My mom yelled from the table. I guess she really didn’t want me to be working on the dishes and I didn’t understand why. I knew that I was about to leave but it’s not like I can’t help her.

“I want to help you out though. You made this amazing breakfast and I would feel bad letting you clean it up by yourself. It’s not fair to you that you do all of the work and I just walk out here doing nothing. Mom I love you too much for you to do all the work by yourself.” I hated when my mom tried to do all of the work. It’s not fair because I can help her work on the dishes and yet she wouldn’t let me.

She walked up to me, grabbed my hands, and pushed them away from the sink. I couldn’t believe that she was being so assertive about the whole thing. I didn’t think it was that big deal for me to help out. “You need to stop acting like the mom. I am the mom and I can do this. It’s not that hard to do the dishes dear. I wanted to make this big breakfast for you and I will clean up the mess so don’t worry about it. Now go get your butt ready because Alice will be here soon.” She said as she looked at the clock. “I don’t want you to miss your flight just because you felt bad for me doing the dishes.” I wanted to object but she wouldn’t give me the chance. “March lady!” She then pointed towards the stairs.

I knew that I wasn’t going to win this argument so I just stopped what I was doing. “Alright I will go get ready, but you can’t stop me from feeling bad about doing nothing. I know that you’re my mom but I still think that I should have helped.” I said but before my mom could say anything I was going up the stairs to get ready.

I went into my room and decided to make sure that everything was in order when I got into my room. I decided to clean up my room because it is the least that I could do. I went over to my bed and made up my bed. It wasn’t that bad of a thing because I really didn’t make a big mess when I slept. I then threw all of my dirty clothes in my hamper in the closet. I got the rest of my things that I was going to take on my trip. I took a deep breathe and now I was ready to see what was going to happen in the next couple of weeks.

I walked down stairs ready to start the next part of my journey and the whole kitchen was already clean. I couldn’t believe that my mom got the kitchen clean so fast with out me. I defiantly thought it would take about 2 to 3 hours for her to clean up the kitchen. I guess my mom is the super mom for getting all of this done so quickly. I put my suitcases by the door waiting for Alice to get her. I hadn’t notice that my mom wasn’t in the kitchen when I got downstairs. “Mom where are you?” I said to my mom looking for her. She wasn’t in the kitchen.

“I am coming right now dear.” She said as she came down stairs with a small box in her hand. I was wondering what that was and I was kind of scared. I didn’t mind gifts but if they were over the top, that is when I had a problem. I didn’t like when people got me gifts because I felt like them being in my life was a gift enough. I know that is one of the corniest things you can say but it’s still true. They do many things for me and getting me a gift was too much. I looked at the gift and I could tell that it was going to be over the top. It was a little brown box that looked really new. The box look polishes because there was a nice shine to it.

She walked next to me and I gave her a skeptical look. I didn’t know what was going on and until I got answers I wasn’t going to continue with this whole thing. “What is that in your hands?” I said eyeing the box. I wanted to know answers now because I was still scared about what was in the box.

“Don’t throw a fit dear. I got you a gift and you’re going to like it. I was planning on giving it to you when you go to Towson, but then I decided that this would be a better moment to give it to you. Now that you’re starting off on a new chapter in your life and I decided to give you something on the new chapter.” She said hoping I wouldn’t be mad at her. And I couldn’t be fully mad at my mom for doing something special for me.

“I hope you didn’t spend too much money on me mom because I probably don’t deserve it. You made me this special breakfast and you have always been there for me and I don’t think that you should have gotten me a gift.” I felt guilty about what my mom was doing. First she made a huge goodbye breakfast and now a gift. It was all too much for me.

“That is my business only so don’t throw a fit. I wanted to do something nice for you and I don’t care what you have to say anymore. You have been an amazing daughter and always have been there for you. Today is a special day for you and I thought I would do something special. So you’re going to like what I am doing and be appreciative.” She said as she gave me a stern look trying to make me sure that I see her point.

“Alright I promise that I won’t throw a fit.” I said rolling my eyes. I knew I was going to have to let my mom do her special moments because I loved her so much and just wanted her to be happy. I was going to give her a big smile say thank you and just be really appreciative about what she got me.

“That is what I like to hear.” She said with a very pleasing tone in her voice. I guess she was really happy that I was going to play along with her plane. She handed me the box. I looked down at it for a minute. I didn’t know when it was the right moment to open the box. “Are you going to open it or are you going to stare at it?” My mom was being an impatient and this wasn’t like her. I guess she really wanted me to open this box and find out what she got me.

“Alright, Alright I will open it.” I said acting like I was forced to open the box. I opened the box and then I saw what was inside of it. It was a necklace that looked a couple of years old. There was a silver chain that was connected to a golden locket. I thought it was the most beautiful necklace I have ever seen. “Open the locket.” My mom commanded. She seemed really excited to see my reaction to the gift that she was giving me right now. I picked up the necklace and was careful with it so I didn’t break it on the first day I received it. I open the locket and there on one side was a picture of me and my mom taken just a couple of days ago. Then on the other side was a picture of me and my dad before he passed away. I could feel the tears coming up again. There was something thick in my throat that I couldn’t clear. I couldn’t believe what my mom did for me. It was the greatest thing that she could do with me because I didn’t have that many pictures of my dad and now I had a picture of my dad and me in a necklace.

“Turn it around dear.” My mom could see that I was about to cry. I listened to what she said and I looked at the back. On the back there was a small engraving. “No matter where we are, we are always together in our hearts.” It was what my dad said before he died. I nearly lost it there. I couldn’t believe my mom did this for me. I never dreamed of something like this and now that she did this for me I could never be mad at the women who gave this to me.

I had to clear my throat a couple of times before I could speak. “Mom” I barely got out. I was blubbering like a little girl and I haven’t cried like this for a while. “This is the most beautiful thing that I have ever received. I can’t believe you did this for me.” I didn’t stop the tears from falling done my face. I wanted my mom to see how much I loved this gift.

“Thank you and I knew you would love it.” She said and she gave me a big hug. She didn’t complain about the tears because she was okay with me crying about it. I guess it showed that I really loved the gift she gave me. “Let me put it on you.” She said taking the necklace from me. She was really excited that I finally got my gift. I turned around so she could put the necklace on. I was excited to have this gift because I loved it so much.

I then faced her again and then I grabbed the locket in my hand. I looked down at the amazing golden heart that concealed pictures of me and my parents in it. “I love you so much and I can’t believe you did this for me.” I said gushing because I still couldn’t wrap my head around the gift she just gave me.

“I love you too. And honey you’re a big girl and I had to do something for you. You’re off to do great things and I wanted you to know that your father and I will always be close to your heart. I will never be away from you.” She said explaining her reason behind the necklace. I was surprised that she wasn’t crying with me but I think it might be because if we both were crying I would never leave her. Then this special moment would not be as special anymore.

“Thank you and I will always have you and dad close to my heart. I am really grateful that you’re doing this for me mom. I still can’t believe everything is happening but I know that you and dad will always be with me. You guys have raised me well and I love you guys so much.” I said looking into her eyes and then at the pictures in the locket. In the pictures I might have been young but it was a happy picture and I loved the pictures. I was going to have this locket for the rest of my life.

There was a honk, and I guess that it was Alice. It was excited to know that I was about to leave and have a great experience. Now I didn’t feel so lonely because I had the locket now. “Honey Alice is here and it’s time for you to go.” She said as she started to wipe away all the tears on my face. It was amazing that she didn’t start crying again. She was very calm at this point.

“Okay” Was the only thing that I could say. I didn’t know what else to say. My suite cases were at the door. We walked over the door and I knew it was coming close to the end. She helped me grab my suitcases as we walked down to Alice’s car. Alice was driving black 1997 dodge neon and it looked like a cute little job. She popped the trunk as she got out of the car. She had a big smile on her face as she got out of the car.

Alice saw that I was crying. I guess that I wasn’t really good at keeping my emotions in check today. I knew I wasn’t going to be able to because of my conversation with my mom “Are you okay April?” She gave me a worried expression. I guess I looked really bad at the moment.

“Yeah I am fine I was just crying at the necklace my mom gave me, that’s all.” I said as I eyed down at the necklace. I wanted her to notice my necklace because I loved it.

“Well it’s a pretty locket and it was really nice of your mom to do that.” Alice said looking at my mom. She got closer and she had a big smile on her face as she looked at my necklace. I guess Alice really liked my necklace because she couldn’t stop starring at it.

“Yeah I know what you mean.” I said then looking at my mom. I was pretty impressed with my mom today. She cooked me an amazing breakfast and then gave me an awesome necklace. I am thinking this is the best day my mom has done for me. I wish I had a medal to give her for being the best mom in the world.

We stood there for a minute just looking at each other. We didn’t know what to say each other for a moment. I was still thinking about how amazing this morning was and thinking especially about the necklace. My mom was the one to break of the quietness. “Well you two need to get on the road before you miss your flight.” My mom didn’t want there to be anymore tears. She wanted there to be one happy goodbye and she didn’t want us to be crying.

“Your mom’s right. We need to go because our flights really soon and I rather not miss our flight and have to wait till tomorrow to get our plane ride to Hollywood.” Alice said as she got into the driver’s seat. She was ready to go and so was I. I wanted to go find out what is out there.

I looked at my mom for a minute. I didn’t know what I was going to say because I didn’t know if it was going to be a tearful goodbye. We had a lot of those today and it wouldn’t be a shocker to end on one. “I am going to miss you so much while I am there. I will call you everyday and I will make sure that you know every thing that’s going on out there.” I said and I could feel the tears coming back again. I thought that I could do this without any tears but of course I couldn’t. It looks like I was going to get the tearful goodbye after all.

“I know honey and I will miss you too. But I will be with you in spirit like you said. I love you and I am so proud of you. I know that you will be doing great things out there and I know that you will make me proud even more. I am so happy that you’re going to chase your dreams and I love you.” She said as she grabbed me for a big hug. It was a nice hug that sent nice warm feelings into my heart and I loved it. I am going to miss her but I knew that I had to go off on my own for a little bit.

“I love you too mom. And I will make you proud of me. I will miss you so much while I am out there.” I said just hugging her for a minute. I didn’t want to let go because I knew I was going to miss her so much.

She released me from the hug. I didn’t want her to let go but I knew that I had to go so that I can chance dreams. “Alright you better get along so you don’t miss your flight like I said. I don’t want you to miss your flight because of us hugging.” I could see that the tears were starting to form in her eyes and she wanted to be the strong one between us. I needed her to stop crying because I knew that I was never going to leave at the longest time.

“Okay I will call you when I get there. And I hope that you have a fun time without me. And I am going to miss you so much and I don’t want you to do anything dangerous while I am gone.” I was sounding like a mom as if I was going on a vacation and leaving her all by herself hoping she doesn’t throw a party. I walked over to the passenger side of the car.

“Alright I love you April.” My mom said as a tear started to form at her eye. She wiped it away before it went anywhere else. I guess she wanted me to make sure that she wasn’t crying anymore. She wanted me to be happy about my decision and know that she is going to be safe.

“I love you too.” I said as I got into the car. I didn’t want to say goodbye to my mom but now it was time to go forth and see what happens. Alice’s car was very clean and I was really impressed. I didn’t think she was the clean type of girl. Alice and I waved to my mom and my mom waved back. Alice drove away from my house towards the airport.

“Are you ready for this?” Alice said as we left my street. Alice seemed really eager in her question and I guess she was really excited to see what happens next just like me.

“Yeah I am ready.” I screamed as loud as I could not care if anyone could hear me. I was ready for the beginning of the new. I closed the book on the old and I was ready. I was on the edge of the cliff and I was smiling. I was smiling because I knew that I was no longer going to be doing the ordinary thing anymore. I looked down at the edge of the unknown as it smiled towards me. I smiled back and fell gracefully into the unknown.

Chapter Two of Tinsel Town

Chapter Two: Sing Me Your Soul And See What Happens.

I starred at the door Alice went into hoping that she would come out soon. I was hoping that she would make it because she was a great person and deserved to make it to the next round. I was hoping that I could go on this journey with someone and not be scared about the future. I was hoping that in the end I was going to have a rock that was going to support me through everything.

“Are you still a little nervous?” My mom said after she put her book mark on the page she was on and took off her headphones. She looked at me with concern in her eye and I didn’t know if my mom had listened to my whole conversation. There was a slight twinge that went through my body because I did throw my mom under the bus in my conversation. I didn’t want her to be mad at me and I don’t regret what I said because I got all of my feelings with Alice all out.

“Not as much anymore. I am just hoping that my friend makes it. I am more nervous for her then I am for myself. I guess that I am really not thinking about me at the moment.” I admitted and I was glad to admit it. All my fears were gone; I only had fear for Alice. I wanted her to make it. I wanted to make sure that a good person is in this competition.

“Well I am glad that your fears are gone. Your friend seems really nice. It seems that you two hit it off pretty well. I am really happy for you.” My mom said giving me a big smile. Every time I saw my mom smile all I could see is the kindness in her eyes. She never thought one bad thing about a person and always had a perfect view on the world. I loved my mom so much for it because I wanted to be like that. I wanted to be able to look at the world in a positive way.

I remembered what my mom had said before I started thinking that my mom was basically Mother Teresa. “Wait, you were listening to our conversation?” I was kind of mad that my mom was eavesdropping on my conversation with Alice. I was scared that she heard what I said and I didn’t want her to think that I thought negatively of her.

“No I didn’t listen to your conversation, what kind of mother do you think I am?” My mom said quickly defending herself. My mom then had a shocked expression on her face with her eyes bugged out and her mouth open, like I accused her of something. “I just saw that all the worries on your face went away that’s all and you to were laughing and smiling. Can’t a mother just be happy their daughter is happy?” My mom acted like it was her civic duty for me to be happy. I just rolled my eyes and laughed.

I knew my mom was right and I was happy. “Your right mom you’re allowed to be happy that I am happy.” I looked at my mom who was actually happy for me.

My mom and I had a weird relationship. It wasn’t a mother daughter relationship, it was more of a sister relationship. My mom would date people and we would stay up gushing about who she dated and the same thing for me too. When one of us had a problem the other one would help out solving it. We were a lot alike and that’s what I liked about us. We were a little shy but once you got to know us we were crazy, funny, and optimistic about some things. The only difference was that I had a lot of self confident issues. My mom would go into a room of strangers and leave being everyone’s best friend. I could never be able to be that confident I would just be a wall flower. We had our little bickering but it never went too far with us. The nice thing about all of it was we were extremely close and that’s what I love about it. We told each other everything and there were no secrets. I felt safe telling my mom anything and I knew in the long run that is why I was such a good person and didn’t do anything dangerous like drugs or alcohol. She told me those things were bad and I didn’t do them.

“That is good to hear.” My mom said and she kissed me on the cheek.

The door opened and Alice came walking out of the door. I got up and ran to her. I wanted to know so badly if she moved on to the next round. I tried to examine her face but I couldn’t read her face. It neither showed she was happy or sad. It was just a blank face that you saw on strangers faces when you walked pass them on the street; a face being emotionless kind of like a zombie.

“So how did you do?” I said hoping that she made it. I was so eager to know if she got in or not that I almost wasn’t going to let her tell me how the whole thing went. I just wanted to know if she got in or not.

“Well I sang my heart out and then they said a couple of nice things about me.” Alice was being around the bush and it was starting to bug me. I was ready to push her to the floor like a school bully and get the answers I wanted. I wanted to know what happened and I wasn’t going to wait another second.

“Of for the love of mighty, did you make it our not?” I asked kind of annoyed at this point and being a little pushy. I didn’t mind being a little pushy. I felt that sometimes you need to be a little pushy to get the things that you want in life. This is one of those moments being pushy worked for you.

“I made it!” She screamed showing me a ticket to Hollywood. I saw the yellow ticket that had her number on it and said Congratulations on making it to Hollywood. She had a big grin on her face and the smile could have gone on for miles. She was excited to make it to the next round and surprisingly I was ecstatic that she made it to the next round. I didn’t really know this girl but for some reason I knew we were going to become fast friends.

“I am so happy for you!” I grabbed her and gave her a big hug. We both started to jump up and down at that moment. It was like she had just got engaged to her prince charming. I couldn’t believe that she made it and I was so happy for her.

“Thank you so much. I can’t believe I made it.” She said while we were still jumping up and down. I couldn’t believe that she was shocked that she didn’t make it. I knew she had doubts but the little pep talk she gave me I thought she was going to use it for herself.

“I knew you were going to make it.” I said because she was a nice girl and nice people don’t always finish last. Sometimes they actually make it and accomplish their dreams like this moment.

She gave me a look and we stop jumping. “You have never heard me sing so how did you know that I was going to make it.” She said giving me a skeptical look. She acted like I knew her whole life and that secretly I was her stalker.

I had to think of my response for a minute. “Well because you’re an awesome person and you deserved it.” I said defending myself.

“Aw that’s really sweet. Thank you so much.” She gave me a big hug. “Now it’s your turn and then we are off to Hollywood.” She said now determined that we both go off to Hollywood together.

“Yeah” I said and then everything came crashing down on me. I realized that I was next and all of the doubts started to come back at me.

Alice could see that I was starting to get nervous again. “You will be fine, trust me. Like you said awesome people deserve everything they want. And you’re an awesome person, you’ll get it.” She said smugly as if she knew I was going to make it. I was kind of betrayed because now she used what I said against me. I thought it was in some kind of rule book that you couldn’t you advice against the person giving it.

“Yeah okay we will see what happens.” I said giving her a skeptical look. I still had my doubts and I knew that there was a chance that I wasn’t going to go off to Hollywood.

“Number 278” The producer said my number and I got nervous. I couldn’t believe that I was about to go sing in front of judges and could possible hear that I am I should just give up on singing. It felt like birds were in my stomach instead of damn butterflies.

“That’s me.” I said regretting it. I thought that maybe if I never said that was my number then I could have just avoided going to sing, then I wouldn’t have to hear the bad news. But I did say that I was up and now I had to go sing.

“You will do fine. Just believe in yourself and no matter what happens you gave it a chance.” Alice said giving me a big hug and a smile. It made me feel a little bit better and I knew that I could do it. I knew I would go in there and give the best performance that I had ever given. I would go in there and blow the socks off of them.

My mom came up to us after she heard my number get called. “You will do amazing and you’ll make it honey. I love you.” Her eyes were full of hope as well as the smile on her face.

I looked at my mom and things got better. The doubts were a low roar and the birds started to shrink in my stomach. “Thanks both of you and I love you too.” I said giving them both a big smile and I didn’t want to show anymore doubts on my face. This was now the time for me to be confidant and go show them what I got.

“Good Luck” Both of them said at the same time.

I went through the door and went to go sing. I walked down the hall and saw pictures of famous singers who sang at the theatre we were at. There was Alice Keys, Joss Stone, Ray Charles, Steve Wonder, and Justin Timberlake. At the end of the hallway were two giant doors that looked very old. They fit perfect in this building because everything looked very old. I opened the door and walked through the doors. There was a little platform where I assumed I would be singing. I looked across the platform to see what else was in this room. Then there was a table with 5 people there. I looked at all 5 of the judges and they gave me a big smile. They didn’t seem scary to me, but then again they were nice to everyone until after they sang. That’s the part that scared me the most was the after part.

I walked in front of them facing all 5 of the judges. I got a look of all of them. The one on the far left was a pretty brunette. She was a petite girl and she could be on any magazine. The one next to her was a guy who looked in his mid thirties. He had glasses on and he was starting to get gray hair. Next to him was another guy. He was a little bit big; he had dark brown hair, and looked very friendly. The next was a girl with blonde hair and was very petite like the brunette girl. The final person was a girl also. She had wavy brown hair and she was bigger than the other girls. She looked like she could either be very friendly or she could be a bitch. I was scared to look at her because I thought that I might get yelled at by her. So I looked at the other four and I knew I would sing to them because if I looked at the other one I would forget all of my lines. She would then have an excuse to yell at me and I would probably just run out of here like there was a fire starting.

“Hi, and what is your name.” The middle guy said to me after I finally got onto the platform. His voice seemed very calm and it seemed very friendly. I started to get a little comfortable.

“Hi my name is April Lycos.” I said stuttering a little bit feeling like a complete idiot for doing it. I couldn’t even say my own name, so how was I about to sing a song for them.

The guy saw that I was very nervous and I might break down right then and there. “Don’t be scared were just 5 regular people. My name is Zack.” He said smiling and I felt a little bit better. He then went down the row of people. “This is Ronda, Doug, Jennifer, and Brooke.” They all smiled and waved at me. I thought I saw Brooke give me a dirty look but that could be my own imagination. Sometimes when I met new people I got paranoid and thought that they hated me. When I met Isabella for the first time I thought she was talking bad about me so I tried to beat her up. Then I realized that she thought I was really sweet and until this day we still laugh about it.

“Hi everyone, it’s nice to meet you all.” I said waving at all of them. I wanted to come across friendly as can be so that they were already softening up to me before I sang. “I can do this, there just regular people.” I said to myself giving myself a bit of a peep talk. I didn’t say it too loud for them to hear me and think that I was a little strange.

“Now tell us where you’re from.” Zack said looking at me. I didn’t know why he wanted to learn more about me. There wasn’t much to learn about me. It’s not like I kicked cancer in the ass or I discovered a new planet. I was just a normal girl who thinks that I have a good voice.

“I am from Owings Maryland.” I said properly trying to get my nervous under control. I didn’t need them using my nerves against me.

“That’s a very small town isn’t it? Now tell us a little bit about yourself.” Zack said leaning forward waiting for me to answer. I liked Zack he didn’t seem like a judge at all. He seemed more of a friend or a guidance counselor. I figured if I sucked really badly he wouldn’t chew me out that bad.

“Well I am 18 years old and I am about to graduate from High school which I am really excited about. I like to read books, and just hang out with the couple of friends I have. I enjoy music, it’s my life. I write my own songs but I think that there really not good. I live with just my mom which is really nice.” I felt like I was on one of those random speed dating things. Where you say everything about yourself in 5 minutes and try to get the date to like you. “There is really nothing else to say.” I admitted because there wasn’t anything else I could think of to talk about. I didn’t want to get really into my personal life like my dad’s death. I didn’t want their sympathy votes.

“Do you know where you want to go after high school?” Zack asked after I was done saying stuff about me. I didn’t know why he didn’t just let me sing and just get it over with


Before I could even answer his question, Brooke had a comment to say. “This girl is very boring and I can’t go through this anymore. I honestly don’t know why you have to keep asking these people questions about their lives. You will never see them again if they are horrible singers.” Brooke looked at me again with hateful eyes. She glared at me and I knew she was probably the mean girl of her high school. No one other then the bullies glare at you like the way she was I could tell that I was wasting her life from that glare.

“Bitch” I heard Doug said before he took a sip of his drink. I could tell that I wasn’t the only one who had a problem with her attitude. It was nice to know that I wasn’t completely paranoid about this.

“Well I don’t care what you think. I am actually curious about the people that go through these doors. I know that some of them are out there and that’s why I don’t ask them questions, but the ordinary people I want to know them.” Zack said politely towards Brooke. I didn’t think she deserved his kindness but I was going to keep my mouth shut. “This will be my final question I promise.” He said towards me.

“I plan on going to Towson. I got a full scholarship to go there. My mom and I are really happy about it.” I said blushing because I felt embarrassed about it for some odd reason. It was a huge thing and I should be really proud of my accomplishment.

“Wow a full scholarship.” Zack honestly was impressed and I could see myself liking Zack. He was a cool person and he didn’t look older then his early 20’s. “Okay I laid just one more question.” Everyone actually was interested in more about me other then Brooke. She let out a big sigh showing how bored she was of me. Zack ignored her. “What did you get the scholarship in?”

“I got it in singing.” I said smugly, I knew that would shut up Brooke about me sucking. I didn’t know why but right then I knew I couldn’t be a horrible singer if I got a full scholarship to Towson for singing.

“Well see Brooke what happens when you ask people about their lives. You learn fun stuff like that.” Zack said looking at Brooke again. You could tell by the way he said it that he was rubbing it in her face.

“Yeah, yeah okay so she might be able to sing.” She said giving him an annoyed look. She knew that she was at the wrong but it seemed from her personality that she would never admit her wrong doing. Then she looked at me. “Alright hot shot tell us what you’re going to sing.” The glare came right back and it still scared me. All she needed was her hair to turn into snakes and she would be Medusa.

I totally forgot that I had to sing. I wish it was kind of an interview because I had four people on my side. Now after I sing I don’t know if any of them will be on my side. “I am going to sing Bleeding Love by Leona Lewis.” I said regretting that song. It had a high part that I knew I could nail but not in front of a women who hated me. I knew that I couldn’t look at her when I sing because I would choke and possibly be turn into stone.

“That’s a hard song to sing. I doubt that you could sing it.” Brooke said being very rude. I thought judges were supposed to be encouraging not totally rude. I watched American Idol and not even Simon Cowell would say half of the things that she is saying.

“But for someone who got a full scholarship to Towson, I bet she can sing it.” Zack said in my defense. It looked like to me that it was Zack and Brooke who were the stars of this show. The other three just sat there and really didn’t say much. I could tell in there eyes they were really close to telling Brooke to shut up so that I could sing.

Zack looked at me again and then smiled. “Don’t worry we believe in you. You can start anytime you want to.” Zack had a smile on his face and it looked like he was trying to comfort me and he didn’t want me to be scared off by Brooke.

I stood there for a moment, breathed in for a minute to get myself to be calm, and started to sing. At the beginning I felt a bit nervous but once I got into a couple of the verses I was actually having fun. I ignored Brooke and my doubts and just had fun. And then it hit me for the reason I came here to sing. Other then being tired of being a no body, it was because I loved to sing. When I sang I felt like I was in my own happy place and that no one could take me out of it. I sang when my dad died and other bad times after that. If I ever needed to get my emotions out I would sing a song that related to my feelings. I would lose myself in a song and after I sang I felt really good about it.

I was getting to the hard part of the song and it didn’t bother me at all because I knew that I could do this. I got to the high pitch part and I loved every second of it. I showed the judges why I was a good singer. I showed why I got the full scholarship to Towson and why I tried out for this competition. I put Brooke’s doubts to rest and I was happy about it. I was glad that Medusa couldn’t say anything about my singing skills anymore. I was glad to have the hard part out and I finished up the song.

It was quiet for a moment and I was kind of scared. In my mind I thought that I nailed it. I knew this was the part that I was regretting the whole time. This is why I didn’t want to try out. I didn’t want to hear that I was the worst possible singer that they have ever heard. I didn’t want Medusa I mean Brooke to have more ammo against me. I wanted to run out of there and be like I don’t want to hear what you have to say. I looked at the door and I had a good chance at running out of here with my dignity.

I looked at each other their faces and I couldn’t read their faces. They looked like Alice said when she got her ticket. They didn’t have any emotion or any trace of if they liked me or didn’t. I started to get panicky and I didn’t know what to do. Before I could say anything I saw that Ronda was about to open her mouth. I knew then that I couldn’t escape with my dignity. I could feel that the birds in my stomach were laughing at me. I want to punch them senseless at this point.

“That was amazing. I am actually surprised. I didn’t know that it was in you. How you controlled your voice at the high part. It was one of the best we have seen today.” Ronda said with a big smile on her face. After she talked the birds in my stomach stopped laughing. I wanted to laugh in their face but I had 4 other judges to hear.

“I am going to agree completely with Ronda over here. When you first started I could tell that you were a bit nervous and I was scared you were going to let your nerves get to you but you didn’t. I think you can go far as long as you are confident in the amazing voice you have.” Doug said with a big smile on his face.

“See it wasn’t that bad. Now I know why you got that full scholarship to Towson. You were great and I am so proud of you. I think that you might have a chance to go to the finals if you keep doing that.” Zack said with a big grin. I think he was trying to throw it in Brooke’s face that I wasn’t a bad singer. I wanted to join in on rubbing it in her face but I needed her vote before I can do that.

“I am speechless. I didn’t know someone so small could have a voice like that. I do have to agree with Zack. It’s good that we talk to the ordinary people first because they could actually have amazing voices.” I would have felt insulted at that moment for what Jennifer said but I was too happy that I had 4 judges on my side.

I looked at Brooke and I was ready for the bitchiness to come out. I was ready for all of her insults but at this moment I didn’t care what she had to say. I had Ronda, Doug, Zack, and Jennifer on my side. So when she was ready to talk I kind of tuned her out in a sense. I didn’t want what she said to get to me personally and I already had 4 yeses.

“Don’t get too carried away. I will admit that she was good but I don’t think that she was the best we have seen.” Brooke said and I knew that the bad stuff was about to hit the fan. “You have a voice but you’re too boring. And that high part I think was a little bit out of pitch.” I was mad that she said that. I thought I sang it perfectly but then again it was me saying that. I could have been horrible and I would have known clue. I would think I was the next Kelly Clarkson or something but in reality I could have been the next Heidi Montage.

“You just don’t like her that’s all.” Surprisingly it was Doug who said something. “I don’t know why you don’t like her. She is sweet, humble, and has a great voice.” Doug said defending me. I was really happy that this random stranger was defending me.

I started to blush because I thought it was pretty awesome that four people I don’t even know were defending me against this wicked witch person. I felt flattered and I liked it. I liked knowing that if I needed someone to help me through this I had them for advice.

“Okay what ever I don’t care what you have to say. You all got soft because she is a small town girl. You know what-” She then looked at me. “Small town girls get eaten alive in Hollywood. I don’t think she can handle the lifestyle.” She gave me a concerned look. I didn’t even know where this game from. This was a look that I wasn’t expecting to get from her. She looked like she knew I was going to fail in Hollywood and it scared me.

A shiver went through my spine because this was the first time I was scared of a person. Her gaze pierced right through my confidence and gave help at the doubt and worries I had. She knew that I had doubts and it seemed like she was going to use that against me.

“I think that she can make it. She seems to have a good head on her shoulder and I think that she will do fine in Hollywood. There are people who actually who survive there. She could be one of them. So stop being a pessimistic Brooke.” Zack snapped at her.

“Fine send her off to the sharks.” Brooke mumbled and sat back in her seat. It seems like she knew there was no way that she was going to win this argument. She just gave up and wanted to go on to another person because she was done with me.

“Let’s vote.” Zack said looking at Ronda to start the voting.

“I am 100 percent a yes for her to keep going.” Ronda said with a big grin on her face. She seemed really excited to see what was going to happen with me.

“I will also say yes. She has potential to being great.” Doug chimed in.

“It would be really stupid for me to not say yes to great talent.” Zack said with a laugh and a chipper tone. I liked Zack a lot and I was happy that he was being really nice to me and defending me against Brooke.

“I’m going to say yes. I think that you will do fine in Hollywood.” Jennifer said giving me an approval look.

It was all down to Brooke. I knew that she was going to say no so I didn’t really want to listen to what she had to say. I knew that I was going to have to anyways. I looked at her and her face showed that she was going to say no to me.

“Well I think that your all idiots for thinking she will do fine living in Hollywood.” Her face then turned into a softer person. She showed a different side of her and I couldn’t believe it. She actually looked like a nice person. I guess that is why the other 4 judges didn’t just beat her up. “But I would be stupid for me to let great potential to go to waste.” She rolled her eyes and was done with this whole situation. She was ready to get this whole thing over with them.

I started to jump up and down and I couldn’t believe that I was going to Hollywood. I felt like an idiot for having all those worries and doubts in my mind. I actually did great things and I am excited to see where I go.

“Congrats on making it to Hollywood, You really deserve it.” Zack said and everyone started clapping and cheering me. It already felt like I already won this whole thing and I was happy to have this feeling. I wanted this feeling to happen again when I actually won this.

I looked at Brooke and she had a concern look on her face. She looked like my mom does about this whole thing. I could see that she was saying something. I didn’t know what she said because I was in my own little world. I got my ticket and I started walking towards the door.

“I really hope she is different then the other girls that go to Hollywood because it would be a shame for great talent to fail in Hollywood.” I heard Brooke say after I got out of the door.

I nearly ran down the hall to go meet up with my mom and Alice. I was so happy that we both made it to the next round and I couldn’t wait to see what happens. I was ready to start a new beginning. I felt a sigh of relief because I was no longer going to be invisible I was going to be a known. I was going to make sure that when I go to Hollywood that I was going to win and have an amazing experience.